So, you’ve been given the ol’ go-ahead from your doctor or midwife to resume sex after giving birth.
Yay! Or not…
You’ve probably realized by now that the fun act of having sex was what got you into this predicament in the first place, and now you can’t get past that massively significant detail.
Your new realization, combined with the mild burning sensation you still experience in your perineum when you poop has made your enthusiasm towards a once carefree activity a little less so.
Your partner is rearing to go. It’s been a while, let’s face it. The last month of pregnancy was essentially a no-go in the sex department, understandably. You were beautifully very pregnant, overheated, overhormoned, and overwhelmed. Sex could have been a consideration if sitting on the couch eating an entire watermelon wasn’t the other option. (Don’t even tell me I’m the only pregnant woman to ever eat an entire watermelon in one sitting…)
After a long month of hearing “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CAN’T EVEN SEE THE VAGINA YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH” topped with approximately 6 weeks of strict orders to avoid sexual relations your partner, and perhaps you are ready to get back in the saddle again.
Bow chicka wow wow.
So far, you’ve experienced change in every aspect of your life since welcoming your little person to the world. Don’t expect a change in sex after giving birth to be any less drastic.
There are a few things you should know before having sex after giving birth:
-Just because you’ve been given the go-ahead from your medical health professional doesn’t mean you have to have sex. It’s a personal thing and when you feel ready you’ll know. There are loads of variables that contribute to a person wanting to, or not wanting to have sex. Just because your friend is resuming her vivacious sex life (for now…wait until that kid is a bit older) doesn’t mean that you have to follow suit. Live vicariously through her for now and you do you (literally) when you’re ready.
-Your partner may be into being sprayed by your let down, but if not keep it contained by wearing a bra with breast pads.
-Go slow. The last time your vagina was getting attention it was because there was a freakin’ baby coming out of it. Show the gal some love by making sure that you go slow until you’re fully comfortable with speeding up the pace.
-On the note of vaginal loving, make sure you stay lubricated, too. You’re probably a little nervous and the lovely array of hormones that are coursing through your body aren’t helping on the natural lubrication front.
-Figure out birth control before resuming sexual activity. Clearly, the one you were using last didn’t work;)
-I was kidding about the looking at your vagina thing. You do need to acknowledge the change that’s occurred in your body. It really is the only way you’re going to get back to being comfortable. Grab a mirror and get reacquainted with your beautiful body (p.s. scars from perineum stitches look super badass.)
-Maybe give the whole thing a whirl on your own before with a partner. Explore your changed body and see what feels right and what doesn’t. Share this information with your partner so that they can modify their actions to accommodate to what works for you.
-Your previous style of sex life may no longer be possible. May I suggest some Kama Sutra just for parents?
Acknowledge and accept that sex after childbirth is different than sex before childbirth-for a while, anyway.
There are different sensations, sounds, even smells. You may have a hard time focussing or getting in the mood. It’s normal to experience these changes. However, if you are finding that it’s been a great deal of time since giving birth and you still are uninterested in sexual activity you may want to discuss it with your healthcare provider to rule out things such as Postpartum Depression.
Sex after birth is a new experience, and it truly can be a great one. Explore. Communicate with your partner. Laugh (yeah, I’m serious).
There are 3 elements that come with sex after birth: Physical, mental, and emotional. In “Let’s talk about sex (after having a baby)” you’ll dive deep into what these mean, the problems that many couples face, and steps you can take to a better sex life NOW!
What are you waiting for? You deserve a better sex life, you gorgeous vixen!