Well, look at you, you little ho-ho-ho!
You’ve got a lot on your mind. You have presents to buy, cookies to bake, a house to decorate, and chocolates for the stockings that you stupidly bought 3 weeks ago to replace. You have it all under control. In fact, you’re sleighing it!!! You almost consider yourself a younger, hotter version of Mrs. Claus and that’s making you feel jovial, confident and sexy.
The Christmas season is here, but that’s not all you want upon you! You’re not sure whether it’s the magic of the season, or perhaps you’ve had one too many rum and eggnogs, but you’re suddenly very enthusiastic about the notion of giving (and receiving-duh) right now.
Without losing any of your festive spirit you find ways to get your jingle-jangle on over the holidays:
Wrap his package
The best holiday gift of all: sex without a resulting pregnancy! You know you’re going to get a few bottles of wine from the office Secret Santa and you don’t want anything getting in the way of you drinking them!
Sing Christmas carols
It’s a good thing you barely have a shower-worthy voice anyway because you wouldn’t want to be singing these holiday tunes in public:
“Joy to the world, this Mom has cum”, “Jingle Balls”, “Not so Silent Night”, and “Let me blow, let me blow, let me blow”.
Wear festive colors
Red bra. Green panties. White pearl necklace. Even if there’s no pearl necklace you’ll still look the most seductive full grown elf your partner will have ever seen. Sorry Will Ferrell, you just got blown out of the snow drift!
Put on some plush reindeer antlers
Suddenly, doggy style just got a whole lot more festive. For an added element of realism put your hair in braids to act as reins. Woooooooah girl.
Send Santa a letter
Obviously snail mail will take too long, so try your hand at a dirty text message. Let your jolly man know exactly what you want for Christmas and just how you want your stocking stuffed.
Don’t worry about getting any coal this year. Sure, you’ve been naughty, but that’s earned you a top spot on Santa’s good list.