What to do about vaginal dryness
“I’m so wet right now”.
I felt marginally guilty as the status changed from delivered to read.
I wasn’t completely lying; I was in the bathtub after all.
It didn’t seem like an appropriate time to inform the poor recipient of that message that I meant that every part of my body was wet except for my vagina.
Men have to deal with impotence. (I say “men” and not “some men” because for whatever reason natural human functions and deficiencies seem to be uncomfortable and embarrassing, so let’s normalize all the shit, shall we?). Women have to deal with vaginal dryness.
What causes vaginal dryness?
There are a whole bunch of things that can cause vaginal dryness; having babies, getting older, stress, hormonal changes, stress certain medications and medical conditions… and not being sexually aroused.
Oof, there it is. That last one there? Ya. That’s the kicker that makes this whole vaginal dryness thing a bit touchy to talk about.
Let’s get back to that bathtub conversation; fella thinks I’m wet because I’m turned on. Fellas think women get wet from being turned on. Fellas get hurt feelings when women don’t get wet because they think they’re not turned on.
There are some subtle ways that you can convey a need for extra lubrication. I suggest: “put your face between my thighs and lick my clitoris” but some people opt to quietly spit on their fingers and quietly moisten their bits.
The whole thing is worth a conversation. The ol’ “it’s not you, it’s me” spiel is all too relevant in this scenario. Let your partner know that your body is doing normal body things and making your vagina dryer than Sam Palmer’s humour and that your level of arousal has nothing to do with the level of moistness in your vaginal region.
What can you do about vaginal dryness?
SALIVA
It’s the most convenient and economical option. A little spit on your fingers or directly from your partner’s mouth ought to do the trick. The cons of this is that frequent re-application may be necessary. Also, dehydration can make this option challenging.
*This is not a con if clitoris licking is your application of choice. In that case, re-apply away.
LUBRICANT
There are some awesome lubes out there, and there are some not-so-awesome lubes out there.
Natural water or aloe-based is your way to go. They’re going to be less thick and sticky (save that consistency for later, if you know what I mean) and will ultimately last longer and be more comfortable. Don’t use anything oil based with condoms as it might cause the condom to break - the result of that can be read about here.
Be mindful of application; the stuff doesn’t always taste the best so if oral sex is in the plans (or you want to try my suggestion of a not-so-subtle suggestion of cunnilingus) wait until after that goes down before lubing up. Vaginal dryness can make penetration really uncomfortable, so you want to make sure you suit up before that happens. It can be you or your partner who slathers it on their parts or yours, or both, at the same time. So. Many. Options.
VAGINAL MOISTURIZERS
This is less of an “in the moment” solution and more of a “I love my vagina” preliminary preparation solution. While a lubricant is short-term and fast-acting, a vaginal moisturizer actually rehydrates the tissue and is meant to be used consistently long-term.
These come in different forms including gels/creams and suppositories. Both are inserted into your vagina via your fingers or an applicator. This is done a few times a week to provide longer-lasting vaginal moisture.
Try and avoid synthetic fragrances. They might cause irritation; and besides, you don’t need your vagina to smell lemony fresh (although, I did stick some garlic in my vagina once and my mouth tasted like garlic so I do wonder about how lemony fresh might go).
What the best route to go?
Try both lubricants and moisturizers out and see what works best for you. If the problem persists make sure to talk to your doctor and see if they have any recommendations.
Sahara Pussy (that’s a fun name for it, eh?) is common and there’s no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. Have conversations with your partner(s) and discover fun ways together that make sex ultimately comfortable for everyone involved.
