You’re nearing that time when your baby might possibly be arriving.
Ya, that entire 6-week stretch when you constantly have people saying ignorant comments to your beautifully ginormous belly like “Oh, you STILL haven’t had your baby?”. (No judgment from me on how you respond to this one, by the way.)
You’ve done all the things to prepare for the arrival of this tiny human:
-premade meals and stuck them in the freezer
-washed the baby clothes
–got yourself a lovely wrap (this is the one thing I will highly recommend to all new parents, FYI)
-figured out where baby will sleep
-decided if you’re breastfeeding, formula feeding, or bottle feeding and set up accordingly
-made sweet, yet to the point signs for the front door directing people to “Kindly fuck off. I just had a baby and you shouldn’t be just showing up like this.”
-done vagina yoga
Yep. I said “vagina yoga”.
Let’s face it. Your vagina plays a pretty significant role in this whole childbirth thing and you should probably prepare her for what’s about to come (’cause it ain’t nothing like the cum she clearly already knows!!)
How to prepare your vagina for childbirth
Become acquainted with your bod
Your body is capable of some pretty freakin’ incredible things, namely growing and expelling another human from it. Get to know your anatomy so that you are aware of everything that’s going on throughout your pregnancy and during labour. When the midwife tells you that your cervix looks great you’re going to want to know what they’re talking about (also, having a cervix that “looks great” when you’re in labour is a really good thing.)
Having an understanding of what’s going on and when will give you an opportunity to prepare for what the next phase might be in your labour.
Kegels, kegels, kegels
Unfortunately, between your kiddo living in your pelvis for the last 3 million months of pregnancy and the extreme pressure of childbirth your pelvic floor can become damaged.
Often times, when this pelvic floor is damaged the result can be incontinence, which is actually a lot less fun than it sounds.
Talk to your midwife or doctor about how to properly do a kegel. Building these pelvic muscles during pregnancy can prevent you from embarrassing situations such as peeing when you’re laughing, sneezing, running, coughing, walking, sitting, breathing….you get my drift.
(On that last note, if urinary incontinence is becoming an issue and impacting your daily life make sure to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Those peeps know what’s up and can help you immensely.)
Embrace that your vagina will never be the same again
That said, it won’t be all that different. It’s a safe assumption that after a ginormous baby passes through your perfectly sized vagina (yes, I said that to reassure everyone that they have a perfectly sized vagina) that your vagina will resemble a gaping black hole.
Not the case.
Assure your partner(s) that your vagina will go back to normal (or at least pretty darn close to it) and they won’t be throwing a hot dog down a hallway *insert eye roll here*
You will notice a physical difference if you’ve had tearing and/or an episiotomy. The scars will fade considerably, but you may have some tenderness for quite some time. If you’re planning on some sexy time just make sure you’re using lots of lube and going slow (especially in the first while after giving birth.)
Check out your vagina with a mirror. Yep, I’m talking prop up a leg or lay in the bed with a handheld mirror between those divine legs of yours. Check out what you look like before and after (take a photo, if you’re so inclined). Mostly, this is helpful when you’re checking on your stitches so you can make sure that everything is A-ok down there. If it’s not and something is visibly or physically “off”, make sure you get checked out ASAP.
*Yeah, I’m a Pro. I’ve done this 4 times, people. My vagina has tales to tell.
Speak kindly to your vagina
For real. Your vagina is able to do this. Childbirth seems obscene. Like, ‘Are you freakin’ kidding me that’s going to come out of there?’ obscene, but you’re going to be fine.
Our brains listen to the things we tell it. Keep telling your vagina that things will be okay. Visualize your vagina opening up to allow for your baby to come into the world. This is some real hippy-dippy shit, but true story…it’s legit.
Do vagina yoga
Yes. This is the one that everyone’s been waiting for.
Well, vagina yoga isn’t actually a thing-it’s a phrase I made up, but Perineum Massage is most definitely a thing.
Basically, you’re going to be slooooooooooooowly stretching the perineum (the area between your vagina and anus) over time so that the skin is a little more soft and “stretchy”. This can be done on your own or with a partner.
How prepared is your vagina for birth?