Remember when we were kids and you could walk up to someone at the playground, ask if they wanted to be your best friend, and you’d run off and play together for hours?
It’s a little different now:
YOU: “Do you have any diapers? I forgot to bring some…”
LADY (Gives you a diaper): “Not a problem. I like your yoga pants.”
YOU: “Thanks, they’re the exact same ones you’re wearing. You have really good style.”
LADY: “Wanna have some of the mystery liquid in my thermos and chat while our children entertain each other?”
After a while, you realize that this lady is pretty darn cool. In fact, you think she might be your soulmate after she told her 3-year-old to just “go pee behind the tree”.
Right before you both hurriedly gather your children to get home before afternoon naps are no longer an option you make plans to meet the next day.
You’re officially going on a Mom date!
You don’t want to screw this one up, so you make sure you follow a few basic rules.
Dress to impress
Search for something….ANYTHING clean. Don’t put it on until right before you leave to meet her so that you might make it to your playdate unscathed or unsnotted on-not that it really matters if you do. She’s likely in the exact same boat.
*A mom date is not the place to wear anything that doesn’t scream “I’m a hot mess just like you”!
Don’t bring coffee
Yes, you saw her with a to-go cup yesterday, but that doesn’t mean she drinks coffee. It’s possible she’s one of those tea drinkers or prefers a gin latte. It’s highly likely that she drinks water, so bring a bottle or two of that instead.
Do bring snacks.
You know she’ll bring snacks that your kids will immediately flock to. Bring snacks that her children will immediately flock to. They’ll likely be identical options, but someone else’s food is always so much better.
Bring up everything controversial
Mmmhmmm. Any and every topic that’s ever been posted in a Facebook Mom’s group and received at least 200 conflicting comments is what you need to talk about. You don’t need to agree on everything, but her response to you choosing to bottle feed your baby may reveal her hidden sanctimommy.
Make sure your kids get along
It’s a major bummer when you’ve potentially met the Mom love of your life and the only thing that’s killing your Mom date is your kids. Be a peacekeeper. Whenever there’s an inclination that a fight may ensue between her little Johnny and your little Johnny bring out the candy, bubbles, new toys. Whatever you need to distract the little Johnny’s so that they are happy together again and you can get back to your discussion about the worst meals you’ve ever fed your kids.
If you make it through this first date you can take the next step of becoming Facebook friends. You will probably communicate more on messenger than in person, especially during those cold and flu season months, but that will be ok. You can tag each other in hilarious Mom memes and special giveaways the require you to “share with a friend”. You can share videos on each other’s Timelines, send one another invites to play CandyCrush and even poke each other late at night.
Go on. Enjoy your Mom date. Don’t stress too much about it. You’ve got other worries-like why your kids are being so quiet right now…