O. M. G.
Mom seriously took it too far. I’ve never been as appalled by her behavior as I was during this moment.
I was so embarrassed.
I wanted to crawl into a hole.
You see, I’m a kid. Kids have tantrums. It’s what we do. I heard once that we don’t quite have the capability to communicate what our needs are and therefore we become frustrated when trying to relay information to adult persons.
At least that’s my story when I need Mom’s sympathy.
I know damn well what I want.
It’s really not that hard for me to tell that to Mom. There’s no issues with communication there. I just don’t like to be told “no”.
Hence the tantrum.
So, when Mom told me we weren’t getting candy at the store I proceeded to express to her my frustration in the middle of the candy aisle.
I went about my usual routine:
2. Tilt head slightly upwards, bounce shoulders up and down and ask “why” in a reasonably loud voice.
3. Stomp feet.
4. Collapse on the floor.
5. Ask “WHY” in an unreasonably loud voice.
6. Kick legs, throw arms, and start screaming uncontrollably.
7. Get up and chase Mom when she starts to walk away.
Usually this routine goes down without a hitch, but this time Mom didn’t walk away.
During the “kick legs, throw arms and start screaming uncontrollably” portion of my routine Mom decided to join me.
On the floor.
Kicking HER legs, throwing HER arms, and screaming uncontrollably.
(I’ve only ever seen her do this once when daddy took the last glass of wine.)
I was mortified.
She was acting like a complete fool.
She was coming across as an absolute moron.
She looked like…oh…..shit.
She was mimicking me.
I kinda look like a huge dick…
Well, if this is her new course of action against me I am going to have to make the best of it.
Let’s see how she likes peeing her pants at the library!
I’m the smartest person in the world.
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