postpartum poo

The truth about the postpartum poo

Ask a 4 year old about postpartum poo and they’ll begin laughing hysterically and making farting sounds. (P.S. They don’t know what “postpartum poo” is and they don’t care. You said “poo”.)

Ask a woman who’s given birth about postpartum poo and her response will let you know that this shit ain’t funny.

Your body has just experienced a majorly traumatic experience. Labour is traumatic. Delivery is traumatic. Hemorrhoids are traumatic. Breastfeeding is traumatic. Parenting is traumatic.

Having a kid is just one big trauma fest, really.

I mean, don’t get me wrong; there’s a lot of joy and happiness in having a baby, too, but holy Toledo can it be a massive pain in the ass.

Literally.

Okay, so I’m about to get nice and graphic for you here. If you don’t like talking about poo or you’re still recovering from your own postpartum poo and the thought alone triggers you to clench up so tight you have near buns of steel, then perhaps this blog post isn’t for you.

However, if you’re like the SO MANY women out there who are about to bring a child into the world and haven’t been informed of the truth about the postpartum poo you most definitely need to read on.

 If you're like so many women who have no idea what to expect with their postpartum poo then this article is a must read for you!

Ok, so you’ve delivered your beautiful little baby. Chances are your bowels were evacuated when you were splayed on the table in front of a team of doctors and nurses while your partner caught the whole thing on camera, so you may not feel the need to have a poo for a few days. This is a good thing. You need a few days to load up on soluble fiber, stool softeners, and so much water.

Understandably, when you do feel the urge to push you get a little anxious. After all, the last thing to come out of your body was a baby. While that’s not likely to happen again so immediately, you probably still feel a bit uneasy about the whole thing. However, holding it in WILL NOT do you any service. That shit will just build up, compacting as it does. You’ll be taking “shitting bricks” to a whole new level if you don’t take care of business as soon as the opportunity arises.

Just as birth is different for everybody, so is the postpartum poo. Some poor souls have a 40 hour labour, spend hours pushing, and wind up with first-degree tearing while others deliver their babies after a mild cramp and a sneeze. The same ridiculously unfair comparison applies to the postpartum poo. You may be spending a great deal of uncomfortable time on the toilet, or you may be simply pretending to do so behind a locked door while yelling “I’m almost done. *grunt*” and catching up on your Facebook gossip.

Once you’re finished not pooping out a baby (I mention this fact because I’m sure you considered that was a possibility at least once during this process) you need to give yourself a good, relieving cleaning. Remember that peri-bottle your beautiful midwife or doctor gave you? Yep-that thing will offer as a wonderful substitute for the toilet paper that will feel like sandpaper on your poor bits. It will also make you wonder why you don’t live in France, or at the very least, own a bidet.

You may experience a bit of residual discomfort once you’re all finished. Have you heard of a padsicle? Wet down maxi pad in witch hazel and throw it in the freezer for a bit. Once it’s nice and cooled down slap that baby into your super sexy mesh hospital panties or your super sexy granny panties. This will give some relief to your stretched out vagina (don’t look yet-I’m warning you), those hemorrhoids that are lurking, and your poor anus that truly doesn’t know what just hit it.

Rest assured that any poops subsequent to this first postpartum poo won’t be nearly as traumatizing. Well, not any of yours, anyway…

#newbornpoo #ewww #pooface #uptheback #poosplosion


this is the one thing you will need as a new mom

This is the ONE thing you will NEED as a new Mom

You just had a baby! Congratulations!

a new mom will need this

If this is your first baby it’s likely that you’ve been bombarded with suggestions on all the things you’re going to need for baby.

Well, Mama, I’m here to share a little secret with you: babies really don’t need a lot!

Look at that tiny little bundle. They truly don’t care if they have the newest playpen or bouncy chair or ridiculously beautiful baby hammock that you bought because YOU wanted it but didn’t actually need.

you don't need a lot of stuff for baby

Don’t get me wrong. As a mom, I’ve gone through my fair share of “things” for my babies. I’ve had the swings, the chairs, the this, the that, but truly there was only one thing that I would ever get for a baby again*:

A BABY CARRIER!!

 

*Just to clarify, I AM NOT having any more babies. When I reference any future babies I mean them as hypothetical. This ship has sailed pour moi, ladies. That said, I entirely WOULD have another child if it could stay a newborn for a really, really long time. Considering that isn’t a thing, I will swoon HARD over yours and every other newborn I encounter, and I’ll mush and gush at the idea, and my ovaries will flutter when I think about itty bitty newborn smell….BUT I AM NOT HAVING ANY MORE BABIES!*

Your tiny little bean really just wants to be held. Not like a little bit held, but a lot a bit held. It ain’t called the fourth trimester for nothing! As a new Mama you’re going to want to comply with this request, but truly sometimes it’s a bit challenging to do things like feed yourself while you hold this a little package of sweetness.

So, what do you do?

When my now ridiculously huge children were cute, squishy, itty-bitty babies I used a Cuddly Wrap. Basically, it’s a long piece of stretchy fabric that you wrap around yourself to create a pouch that baby hangs out in. This keeps baby nice and close enough that they can hear your heartbeat, smell their Mama, and be entirely content (in theory).

BONUS TIP: If you’re having a difficult time nursing, skin to skin contact helps your milk come in. Strip baby down to a diaper and put the wrap on yourself with no top or bra on. and enjoy some skin-to-skin while you make yourself some delicious lactation cookies!

my newborn in the carrier

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When my little ones turned about 3 months old I put them in my Ergo soft structured baby carrier. The Ergo does have a newborn insert, but my kiddos never liked it, so we always stuck with the Cuddly Wrap for the first bit.

I bought my Ergo second hand when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I LOVE MY ERGO. Like, I don’t know what I’m going to do when the day comes that I don’t use it anymore. Each kiddo has practically lived in it from the time they were three months until they were almost three!! I wore it while pregnant, I nursed in it, I folk festivaled in it, hiked in it…I’ve done EVERYTHING in my Ergo.

baby carrier that rocks!

Now, as I sit here trying to sell you on Ergo baby carriers (and yes, that’s what I’m trying to do because I will make a commission on each sale at no cost to you, but mostly because I really, really, really think that every Mama needs an Ergo!!) I originally thought I would borrow someone’s brand new Ergo to take some nice photos in. However, I had a quick change of heart when a friend asked to borrow mine to take her little for a walk and I genuinely felt as if I was giving a piece of my heart away! It’s a good thing I love that Mama to bits because I don’t loan my Ergo to just anyone!

This super stained, tattered lovely little baby holder has been my saving grace! I’ve been able to keep my little ones super close to me while I still accomplish everything that I need to. Out of everything I’ve ever used as a Mama this is the one thing I would say is an ABSOLUTE NECESITY!

A few things to note about Ergo baby carriers:

-When you’re wearing your little person on your back you may forget she is there! An Ergo baby carrier is so comfortable that it’s happened to me a time or two. If you can’t seem to find your wee one check on your back before panicking.

-Take advantage of the extra weight you’re carrying. Do some squats or lunges. Get yourself a free workout in when you can!!

-Don’t wear an Ergo with an adult onesie. Inevitably, your sweet baby will fall asleep snuggled up against you…and that’s when you’re going to need to pee. Unless you have a handy butt flap on those pajamas, it’s best to wear a two piece pajama set until you’re no longer at risk of a cute, cuddly, sweet smelling, soft, squishy….okay, okay I’m getting carried away again.

-You can easily redecorate and customize your Ergo to fit your kick-ass personality! Check out this tutorial on my Pinterest page!

So, what are you waiting for?! Are you convinced that this baby carrier will SERIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?! Do you already own one? Show me your photos. Tell me your stories. Have you ever lost YOUR baby on your back?!

Still not convinced? Check out this video on how to wear your baby in your Ergo carrier!

why i don't encourage breastfeeding

Why I no longer encourage breastfeeding

Breast is best.

Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.

As new mothers, we are bombarded with the slogan of “breast is best”. It’s a campaign to raise awareness surrounding breastmilk and it’s health benefits for mother and child. Breastmilk, in fact, provides all the nourishment that a child will need for the first six months. It is chock full of nutrients that can reduce sickness in a baby while also preventing various illnesses later in their lives. Breastfeeding can increase a child’s intelligence, as well as provide the mother with health benefits such as assisting her uterus to return to its pre-baby shape and reducing her risk of breast cancer.

little adventures company advertisement

Breastmilk is incredible.

Breastfeeding is incredible.

However, it’s truly not for everyone. Throughout my years as a mom, I’ve encountered many different women. I have friends who have nursed their children for four years, some who have nursed their baby for 6 months, some who tried to nurse and hated it, some who tried to nurse and could not, and some who didn’t want to try breastfeeding at all.

Do you know what all of these women have in common? They’re all caring, compassionate, involved, wonderful mothers whose best interest is always in their child.

There seems to be this certain superiority surrounding breastfeeding. Women get shamed at the playground because they’re feeding their baby a bottle of formula. There is often little thought given to why a mom may be feeding her baby formula. There are a few reasons why she may be doing this:

I no longer encourage breastfeeding

-She doesn’t want to breastfeed

-She can’t breastfeed

-She won’t breastfeed

There are many reasons why a mom chooses not to breastfeed her child ranging from her not wanting to, to her having experienced sexual trauma that prevents her from emotionally being able to, to her body simply not allowing it. Regardless of the reason why she chooses not to breastfeed, it is nobody’s business but her own.

I went through lactation hell each and every time I had a baby. I took expensive supplements, ate all the lactation boosting things, and was a slave to the breast pump. I also gave my babies formula because I wasn’t actually able to produce enough milk to sustain their tiny bodies. The choice to breastfeed isn’t always an easy one, nor is the choice to formula feed.

If my opinion is asked specifically regarding breastfeeding I will always highly encourage breastfeeding based on my own personal experience. I loved it. If my opinion is not asked, however, I will not encourage breastfeeding. I once was a major breastfeeding advocate. Whenever I could I would encourage breastfeeding, even when it was clear that a mom did not want to. In recent years I’ve begun to take a different approach. Now, when a mom expresses to me that she’s tried breastfeeding, doesn’t like it, and needs suggestions on how to dry up her breastmilk I don’t intervene. I simply give her suggestions (Oil of Oregano, sage tea, cabbage leaves in your bra) and words of praise and encouragement for the superb job she’s doing as a mom. She’s made a decision that she feels is best for her and her baby! Who am I to say she’s wrong?

We’re all in this together. This mom thing is hard super, ridiculously, incredibly challenging. Moms have enough to worry about with everything that comes with being a parent; nobody needs the stress of judgment and criticism on top of that! Help make sure that all women feel empowered for the way they’ve chosen to feed their babies!

natural ways to deal with hemorrhoids

Childbirth can be a pain in the butt! This is what you can do about hemorrhoids!

There are few things that a person truly has to see to believe: a UFO, the Loch Ness monster, and the gigantic hemorrhoids that can result from vaginal childbirth.

9 (million- amiright?!) or so months is ample time for a woman to become educated and informed on what her body is about to experience. She will be fascinated by the changes her body will make physically. She will be aware of the aches and pains that are normal while she grows life inside of her. She will understand the process of labor and know the calming strategies for when she delivers her precious baby.

Although, there are some things a woman will not ever be able to learn from parenting books or social media. There are facts surrounding vaginal birth that seem to be avoided by the general public. Nobody seems to want to discuss pooping on the table, how a woman’s vagina looks after birth, and hemorrhoids that are so big they deserve the second name choice you had for your new baby.

little adventures company advertisement

Hemorrhoids…*shiver*

Hemorrhoids often begin to rear their ugly heads when a woman is pregnant. When she’s carrying a child in her body there’s a whole lotta pressure bearing down on her backside.These nasty hemorrhoids often loiter for a few months, making their presence vaguely known here and there. It’s typically not until she’s given birth that they make their grand entrance.

When a woman gives birth she gets to celebrate the life of her child. However, she must also grieve the death of her modesty. She just had the most exposed experience of her life as she pooped on the table (it ain’t no myth) moments before showcasing a baby coming out of her vagina through her splayed legs to the group of enthusiastic spectators. She felt confident explaining to the young student doctor that he, in fact, did not freeze her properly and that she could, in fact, feel him stitching her up. She has no problem taking off her nursing gown to put her baby to her breast in front of the room of visitors.

However, no words can describe the humiliation of having a well-intentioned nurse come to check up on the painful monster that has grown from her anus.   

Her pride and ego will heal quickly once she arrives home from the hospital, but the physical pain she’s feeling in her rear end will need some tending to.

Her doctor has recommended she get a medicated topical cream, but her partner, still in shock from what was seen in the delivery room, did not hear her request to go buy some. She is forced to take matters into her own hands and use things from around the house:

How a woman can heal her hemorrhoids

how to deal with hemorrhoids

-She sits on soft surfaces if and when she sits. That breastfeeding pillow she has is very multi-use.

-She drinks lots and lots of water.

-She tries to get plenty of rest.

-She eats highly fibrous foods in order to avoid constipation and keep things as smooth as possible.

-She took a lot of gear from the hospital when she left. Those uber-comfortable, uber-sexy mesh undies, mondo sized pads, and peri-bottles. She can use that to clean her entire nether region.

-She has a sitz bath whenever possible.

-She soaks a cloth in Witch Hazel and puts it between her bum cheeks to reduce swelling.

-She checks out Pinterest for other home remedies and assesses which ones would be suitable for her comfort level. A nice condom filled with ice cubes up the butt may work for some, but maybe not for her. 

She complains loudly because that provides the most relief possible and because she deserves to do that, dammit!

Due to the sensitive nature of the situation, it’s wise to be slightly cryptic in your advice to the new Mom in order to avoid embarrassment and possible hormonal outbursts from saying the wrong thing (this ain’t no myth either). Unless she explicitly shares what a pain in the butt childbirth was for her you won’t know for sure whether hemorrhoids is a condition that she’s currently suffering from. The pep talk she gives herself as she waddles into the bathroom is an indication, but it’s best not to assume.

Kindly suggest that she takes care of “yourselves” -”[her]selves” being her and her hemorrhoids. Bring her countless glasses of water while explaining that dehydration can cause fatigue (**this will work as a double positive: she will assume that your gesture implies she doesn’t appear fatigued. Go with this. Tell her how beautiful she is at the moment but don’t make eye contact with the bags under her eyes-she’ll figure out you’re lying). Bring her a food plate of dried figs, grapes, and bran muffins for “nourishment” purposes.

Whether or not you’ve had issues with massive growths on your rectum is beside the point. One can only begin to imagine the discomfort that they cause. Be secretly sympathetic while maintaining an element of smugness: you know darn well that this pain in her ass will be nothing compared to her sweet little baby when they grow into a teenager.

 

breastfeeding social media

Breastfeeding tips and tricks from a saggy boobed pro

Last week I answered the door. It was the pizza man. He looked…uncomfortable. I thought maybe I smelled bad? Maybe I had spit up on my shoulder? I closed the door. I looked down. I realized why he looked so…uncomfortable. My boob was hanging out of my shirt because I forgot to put it away after my baby was done feeding and I answered the door. As I stood there thinking about what had just transpired I couldn’t believe it…he forgot to give me the dips!

 

Breastfeeding has been a challenging journey for me.

Some women have no problem and have Pamela Anderson looking jugs full of milk even before they’ve had their baby. Some women go through hours of torture to literally squeeze out one drop.

The latter was me.

I spent hours researching ways to make me produce more milk (and help me fill out a D-cup). Here’s what I came up with:

breastfeeding, nursing, milk production, fenugreek, blessed thistle

 

I did all of those things, plus skin-to-skin contact (get naked, Mama!), baby wearing, and got proper nourishment, including tons of water.

While all of these things worked well, nothing worked the way these lactation cookies did:

lactation cookie recipe, breastfeeding, breastmilk production

If you’re not feeling up to making cookies, simply add some brewers yeast to your smoothie. That’s the main ingredient that really helped me!

 

I mentioned breastfeeding wasn’t easy for me, right? It was a hard go right from the beginning. When I was told by a doctor that “not all women were meant to be cows” I nearly gave up. Instead I spent hours researching, days in discomfort (mastitis, thrush, engorgement, cracked and blistered nipples are no joke, friends), and months breastfeeding. So far, I breastfed for a total of 5 years and 8 months. My breasts may never be the same (in other words, they may never look like they don’t appear in a copy of “National Geographic”), but my choice to breastfeed was the best one that I could have made for myself and my babies.

 

I want to hear your breastfeeding journey! Comment below and share your story!