social media

Is social media improving your life?

*Yo, if you don’t like profanity this may not be the thing for you to read. I mean, I think I make a pretty decent point, but I also think I really enjoy f-bombs when they help me make that point stronger.

Happy reading!

social media

 

Social media can be a real mother fucker.

Never-ending opinions, latest research findings, and all the things mothers “should” be doing are constantly being thrown in their faces via the world of social media. Whether it’s clickbait headlines on Facebook newsfeeds or pictures of perfection filling peers and influencers Instagram accounts- it’s affecting mothers.

Some of the material is innocent and legitimate. Some of it is intentionally fear-provoking and senseless. Nonetheless, it’s fucking mothers up.

It’s fucking mothers up to think that they are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them terrified to speak up online for fear of judgment.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them think we are under constant scrutiny and are one step away from a misunderstanding going viral.

It’s fucking mothers up to make them believe that we have to assimilate to the ways of the current trend or it could be detrimental to our child.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them question every single thing we do as parents, and instead of following our instincts we follow our news feed.

Social media is a part of our lives. It’s difficult near impossible to escape but there are ways to reduce the effect that this mother fucker has:

Take things with a grain of salt.

Everyone has an opinion. Yours is the only one that matters. Seriously consider the source of the opinion and assess whether or not it has any value for you.

You asked an innocent question in a Facebook group. Now, you’re being labeled a “bad mother” because of someone’s ignorant interpretation of your inquiry.

Does Sally from Timbuktu know you or your child? Noppers! Forget her. She’s got bigger problems of her own. Guaranteed.  

Ignore the trolls.

Troll/noun/(in present-day lore): a person who has way too much time on their hands who watches for any conversation that he/she can jump into with a controversial and usually judgemental viewpoint. The purpose of their engagement is merely to start arguments and make other people feel awful. Ignore these people. 

Be conscientious of the time you spend on social media

Don’t get sucked into the deep, dark time-sucking world of scrolling. Avoid joining groups where negativity and condescension are the norm amongst the participants. Social media is supposed to bring together community and allow insight into the lives of your friends and family. Using it for its virtuous purpose will reduce any risk of heartache you may encounter.

Be mindful of your own actions

You completely open yourself up to vulnerability when you post anything on your profile. It’s easy to get into the habit of thinking before you speak, but try and get into the habit of thinking before you type, too. While a verbal mix up is usually somewhat rectifiable screenshots of your recent public rant have the potential to haunt you for much longer.

 

Social media is the biggest tool of our time. Its potential to influence is insurmountable and needs to be highly regarded for its power.

With its flaws, it has its benefits. It brings people together. It allows active communication amongst friends, family, and acquaintances. It opens gateways for creativity and inspiration. It provides people with an opportunity to live within and outside of themselves through self-expression.

Focus on those positives.

Show empathy and support online. Offer advice only when it is asked for.

Be encouraging. Be kind.

 

Be a part of the mother fucking change.

this is the one thing you will need as a new mom

This is the ONE thing you will NEED as a new Mom

You just had a baby! Congratulations!

a new mom will need this

If this is your first baby it’s likely that you’ve been bombarded with suggestions on all the things you’re going to need for baby.

Well, Mama, I’m here to share a little secret with you: babies really don’t need a lot!

Look at that tiny little bundle. They truly don’t care if they have the newest playpen or bouncy chair or ridiculously beautiful baby hammock that you bought because YOU wanted it but didn’t actually need.

you don't need a lot of stuff for baby

Don’t get me wrong. As a mom, I’ve gone through my fair share of “things” for my babies. I’ve had the swings, the chairs, the this, the that, but truly there was only one thing that I would ever get for a baby again*:

A BABY CARRIER!!

 

*Just to clarify, I AM NOT having any more babies. When I reference any future babies I mean them as hypothetical. This ship has sailed pour moi, ladies. That said, I entirely WOULD have another child if it could stay a newborn for a really, really long time. Considering that isn’t a thing, I will swoon HARD over yours and every other newborn I encounter, and I’ll mush and gush at the idea, and my ovaries will flutter when I think about itty bitty newborn smell….BUT I AM NOT HAVING ANY MORE BABIES!*

Your tiny little bean really just wants to be held. Not like a little bit held, but a lot a bit held. It ain’t called the fourth trimester for nothing! As a new Mama you’re going to want to comply with this request, but truly sometimes it’s a bit challenging to do things like feed yourself while you hold this a little package of sweetness.

So, what do you do?

When my now ridiculously huge children were cute, squishy, itty-bitty babies I used a Cuddly Wrap. Basically, it’s a long piece of stretchy fabric that you wrap around yourself to create a pouch that baby hangs out in. This keeps baby nice and close enough that they can hear your heartbeat, smell their Mama, and be entirely content (in theory).

BONUS TIP: If you’re having a difficult time nursing, skin to skin contact helps your milk come in. Strip baby down to a diaper and put the wrap on yourself with no top or bra on. and enjoy some skin-to-skin while you make yourself some delicious lactation cookies!

my newborn in the carrier

Follow me on Instagram by clicking on the photo!

When my little ones turned about 3 months old I put them in my Ergo soft structured baby carrier. The Ergo does have a newborn insert, but my kiddos never liked it, so we always stuck with the Cuddly Wrap for the first bit.

I bought my Ergo second hand when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I LOVE MY ERGO. Like, I don’t know what I’m going to do when the day comes that I don’t use it anymore. Each kiddo has practically lived in it from the time they were three months until they were almost three!! I wore it while pregnant, I nursed in it, I folk festivaled in it, hiked in it…I’ve done EVERYTHING in my Ergo.

baby carrier that rocks!

Now, as I sit here trying to sell you on Ergo baby carriers (and yes, that’s what I’m trying to do because I will make a commission on each sale at no cost to you, but mostly because I really, really, really think that every Mama needs an Ergo!!) I originally thought I would borrow someone’s brand new Ergo to take some nice photos in. However, I had a quick change of heart when a friend asked to borrow mine to take her little for a walk and I genuinely felt as if I was giving a piece of my heart away! It’s a good thing I love that Mama to bits because I don’t loan my Ergo to just anyone!

This super stained, tattered lovely little baby holder has been my saving grace! I’ve been able to keep my little ones super close to me while I still accomplish everything that I need to. Out of everything I’ve ever used as a Mama this is the one thing I would say is an ABSOLUTE NECESITY!

A few things to note about Ergo baby carriers:

-When you’re wearing your little person on your back you may forget she is there! An Ergo baby carrier is so comfortable that it’s happened to me a time or two. If you can’t seem to find your wee one check on your back before panicking.

-Take advantage of the extra weight you’re carrying. Do some squats or lunges. Get yourself a free workout in when you can!!

-Don’t wear an Ergo with an adult onesie. Inevitably, your sweet baby will fall asleep snuggled up against you…and that’s when you’re going to need to pee. Unless you have a handy butt flap on those pajamas, it’s best to wear a two piece pajama set until you’re no longer at risk of a cute, cuddly, sweet smelling, soft, squishy….okay, okay I’m getting carried away again.

-You can easily redecorate and customize your Ergo to fit your kick-ass personality! Check out this tutorial on my Pinterest page!

So, what are you waiting for?! Are you convinced that this baby carrier will SERIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?! Do you already own one? Show me your photos. Tell me your stories. Have you ever lost YOUR baby on your back?!

Still not convinced? Check out this video on how to wear your baby in your Ergo carrier!

why i don't encourage breastfeeding

Why I no longer encourage breastfeeding

Breast is best.

Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.

As new mothers, we are bombarded with the slogan of “breast is best”. It’s a campaign to raise awareness surrounding breastmilk and it’s health benefits for mother and child. Breastmilk, in fact, provides all the nourishment that a child will need for the first six months. It is chock full of nutrients that can reduce sickness in a baby while also preventing various illnesses later in their lives. Breastfeeding can increase a child’s intelligence, as well as provide the mother with health benefits such as assisting her uterus to return to its pre-baby shape and reducing her risk of breast cancer.

little adventures company advertisement

Breastmilk is incredible.

Breastfeeding is incredible.

However, it’s truly not for everyone. Throughout my years as a mom, I’ve encountered many different women. I have friends who have nursed their children for four years, some who have nursed their baby for 6 months, some who tried to nurse and hated it, some who tried to nurse and could not, and some who didn’t want to try breastfeeding at all.

Do you know what all of these women have in common? They’re all caring, compassionate, involved, wonderful mothers whose best interest is always in their child.

There seems to be this certain superiority surrounding breastfeeding. Women get shamed at the playground because they’re feeding their baby a bottle of formula. There is often little thought given to why a mom may be feeding her baby formula. There are a few reasons why she may be doing this:

I no longer encourage breastfeeding

-She doesn’t want to breastfeed

-She can’t breastfeed

-She won’t breastfeed

There are many reasons why a mom chooses not to breastfeed her child ranging from her not wanting to, to her having experienced sexual trauma that prevents her from emotionally being able to, to her body simply not allowing it. Regardless of the reason why she chooses not to breastfeed, it is nobody’s business but her own.

I went through lactation hell each and every time I had a baby. I took expensive supplements, ate all the lactation boosting things, and was a slave to the breast pump. I also gave my babies formula because I wasn’t actually able to produce enough milk to sustain their tiny bodies. The choice to breastfeed isn’t always an easy one, nor is the choice to formula feed.

If my opinion is asked specifically regarding breastfeeding I will always highly encourage breastfeeding based on my own personal experience. I loved it. If my opinion is not asked, however, I will not encourage breastfeeding. I once was a major breastfeeding advocate. Whenever I could I would encourage breastfeeding, even when it was clear that a mom did not want to. In recent years I’ve begun to take a different approach. Now, when a mom expresses to me that she’s tried breastfeeding, doesn’t like it, and needs suggestions on how to dry up her breastmilk I don’t intervene. I simply give her suggestions (Oil of Oregano, sage tea, cabbage leaves in your bra) and words of praise and encouragement for the superb job she’s doing as a mom. She’s made a decision that she feels is best for her and her baby! Who am I to say she’s wrong?

We’re all in this together. This mom thing is hard super, ridiculously, incredibly challenging. Moms have enough to worry about with everything that comes with being a parent; nobody needs the stress of judgment and criticism on top of that! Help make sure that all women feel empowered for the way they’ve chosen to feed their babies!

masturbating is important

These are the top reasons you should be masturbating

Hey there, you sexy vixen! This is just a heads up that there are affiliate links in this post. That means, that if you click on one of these links I’ll receive compensation from the company at absolutely no cost to you. You’ll be getting your thrills, I’ll be getting mine. It’s pretty win-win. Now, go ahead and carry on reading about the art of masturbating!

We’ve all been there.

You’re sitting with your friend at the kitchen table when your kids come marching in holding your vibrator. Damn it! Is there no hiding spot they can’t find?! You try to shrug it off by commenting on “how phallic kids toys look these days” while also justifying the redness in your cheeks by asking if it’s warm or if it’s just you. You go to put the plastic penis away while wondering if your friend realizes it actually came from your toy chest and not the kids’. You also wonder if she happened to notice the size of your battery operated boyfriend and begin to feel slightly self-conscious. You return to the kitchen table and silently do kegels for the rest of your visit while subtly reminding her of the four vaginal births you’ve had.

That night when you go to bed and reach for your vibrator you start to think about your friend. No, not like that. You question why you got so embarrassed about her finding out that you masturbate. What’s the big deal? You’re pretty sure she does it herself. At the very least she’s having sex (or did before she had kids). Sex with another person isn’t embarrassing, so why is sex by yourself such a mortifying confession?

Listen. We all have needs and women have three pretty basic ones: food (chocolate), water (wine), and sex. While food and water are easily accessible life can present funny little challenges when it comes to getting our hands on the latter on the list of needs. Relationship status, scheduling issues, or simply an intensely strong aversion to the idea of pregnancy can prevent sex with a person from happening. 

That doesn’t mean that your quest for orgasmic release has to come to a halt. What’s the alternative, you ask? The answer is right at your fingertips. Literally.

TOUCH YOURSELF.

You need just a little to diddle. Nothing fancy or expensive is required. You need your hands, a little bit of alone time (the bathroom door locks, right?), and some sexy thoughts. Get to know your body. Sex with a partner doesn’t always allow for the same self-exploration that flyin’ solo does. Take advantage of this to find out exactly what tickles your fancy (and yes, there was sexual connotation in “tickles your fancy”. If you could go ahead and read that sentence again but say it while raising an eyebrow in a suggestive way or something…).

Maybe the fingers of a Goddess (you) are becoming a little boring for you. Perhaps you’re looking for something a little more risqué. That’s where your old friend BOB comes in. BOB is a Battery Operated Boyfriend, and truly he’s the best kind. In fact, there’s already an ode to BOB on this blog, but here’s another just to show appreciation:

BOB, BOB…I know you’re not real,

But the way you make me feel

Is the real deal.

You make my knees weak,

You make my body quiver

You give me everything I need

And nothing from me you ever seek.

Really, you don’t need to get something battery operated. A classic dildo might do the trick for you! Or maybe some nipple clamps? Or possibly anal beads? A field trip to the local sex store may give you the inspiration you need. You might head in there thinking you know what you want but see something else that tickles your fancy (did you do it this time??).

why masturbating is important

*Pro tip: If you touch a vibrator to the tip of your nose that will give you an indication of how it will feel on your clitoris. Doing this probably won’t give you an orgasm- if it does please share because you are the luckiest person on the planet- but it will give you some insight into whether this particular vibrator will be too strong or not strong enough for your pleasuring pleasure.

Before you head into the sex store you need to do a couple things: take off the hat and sunglasses, hold that head up high, understand that everyone who sees you going in there knows why you’re going in there, and choose to not give a flying fuck that everyone who sees you going in there knows why you’re going in there.

If that’s truly not your bag and that empowerment speech didn’t convince you to confidently waltz into your local sex store you’re in luck. Fortunately, we live in an age of technology. There are online stores that carry the same selection of sex toys as your local shop and you can keep your purchases as discreet as possible. In fact, this store ships your order in nondescript packaging so you won’t get any knowing looks from your mail carrier! You can certainly thank the mail carrier for your Rabbit style vibrator (ahhhhhhhhmazing-definitely a high recommendation) or you can not. It’s totally your call.

Toys. No toys. Sex store. Online shopping. However you go about beginning your journey of exploring your relationship with you, yourself, and yours understand the benefits you’ll reap from showing yourself physical love: You can’t catch STI’s. You can’t get pregnant. You can orgasm until YOU’RE done orgasming-because women’s bodies are incredible like that. You’ll relieve stress. If your premenstrual cramps are bad they can be alleviated by an orgasm. The sleep you have after masturbating will be great! You’ll be relaxed. YOU’LL FEEL BOLD AND POWERFUL when masturbating gives you an understanding of how to pleasure yourself and can give your body the lovin’ it craves.

Wanna talk about natural living? This is it! We have urges that need to be satisfied. We have rad bodies that need to be discovered by ourselves. Don’t allow the antiquated notion that sex is taboo get in the way of you embracing, fostering, and nurturing the sexual desires you feel!

Men compare their forearm muscles and rationalize their tardiness because they had to “rub one out”. Women, on the other hand, don’t often discuss why they read this blog post while sitting on top of the washing machine while it was in the spin cycle.

You’ve heard of Hysteria. It was a “disorder” that was caused by ignorant doctors and a lack of societal acceptance. Obviously, there’s a lot more to it than that, but that’s hysteria in a nutshell. We’re way past the days where doctors would have to give women a clinical orgasm to keep them from “going crazy. Nowadays, we get to do that ourselves. And do that ourselves we should! Keep Hysteria at bay; masturbate every day! (Truly, I should be a jingle writer!)

Masturbating isn’t dirty. It isn’t shameful, embarrassing, or unnecessary. So, why do we treat it like it is? Wear your sexual self with pride and confidence. Allow yourself to come around to the idea of being comfortable with your body. Then, allow yourself to come around a few more times- multiple orgasms are a lot easier to have when you’re by yourself FYI! Master the masturbate. You won’t be sorry you did.

Now, go have some sex with the person in the world that you truly should love the most: YOURSELF!

 

 

natural period

How to have your period naturally

Allow me to begin by saying: there’s nothing unnatural about your period!

There are, however, more natural ways around going about having your period.

This post isn’t about why we have our periods. I go into that in further detail in this post. 

This post is about how AWESOME our periods really, actually are and the fun you can have with them!

If you’re keeling over in pain from your cramps right now you may not necessarily agree with this, but having your period is a pretty darn amazing thing. It’s a part of the wonder that is the way the female body works. It’s indicative of our entry into womanhood. It’s also a sure-fire sign that you’re not pregnant this month!!

Women have become very creative in the ways that they have their periods nowadays. The products available are endless and they’re suitable for all needs and lifestyles!

Here’s how to have your period naturally!

There are affiliate links in this post. That means, that you can enjoy some retail therapy while you deal with your monthly blessing, and at no cost to you, I’ll enjoy compensation from the mentioned retailers. 

have your period naturally

Menstrual Cramps

First things first, for those poor ladies I mentioned earlier with the painful cramps, let’s chat about those.

The “Modern Day” in me says take that Tylenol, especially when you don’t have any other choice but to carry on with your day as efficiently as possible. However, the “Hippie Mama” in me says there’s a few other things you can try:

-Heat. Use a heating pad or a hot water bottle.

-Drink some ginger or chamomile tea. Both will help reduce the pain and inflammation.

-Keep your body hydrated and nourished. You don’t want to deal with the effects of not giving your body enough. Try and limit the wine and chocolate that you’re craving SO badly right now.

Have an orgasm! There have been studies to show that having an orgasm will double your tolerance for pain temporarily. It’s worth a try, anyway!

-If you experience painful cramps on a monthly basis give acupuncture a shot. Also, make an appointment with your naturopath who can point you in the right direction for some herbs that will work for your body.

Cloth pads

Do you know what’s in the pads you buy from the drugstore? The heavily scented ones that feel like plastic?

There are LOADS of retailers that sell magnificent cloth pads. You can order them online at Etsy!

The “ick” factor with wearing a cloth pad is minimal. You can easily designate a plastic container to store them in until laundry day, or you can just toss them right in with your regular laundry!

P.S. A post-partum cloth pad makes a great gift for a new Mom! She can plop that baby in with her mesh undies and enjoy comfort (?)!

Menstrual Cups

These gems are seriously awesome. You know how when your little one finds your box of tampons and proceeds to scatter them all over the floor? I do. For some reason, the massive amount of toys they have never seems to suffice and they must play with whatever they’re not supposed to get into.

Instead of having a whole bunch of tampons that you use every month you can trade them all in for one nifty little menstrual cup. I personally have used the DivaCup and love it! It’s made of silicone, can last for 12 hours, is entirely reusable, and has two sizes; one for women who haven’t had kids and one for women who have had kids! It takes a little getting used to and maneuvering to find exactly how to make it fit well for you. I’d do a tutorial on my YouTube channel, but they don’t really condone that kinda thing.

If you’re like me and your insides have been destroyed by having children (thanks for the prolapsed bladder, kiddos!) you may find it more comfortable to actually turn the DivaCup inside out so that it doesn’t fit quite so low.

Organic tampons and pads

Okay, so maybe the reusable thing isn’t your jam. That’s totally cool. However, even if you aren’t a hippie you can probably appreciate that natural, organic menstrual products are safer and gentler on your body. Your vagina has done some amazing things and she deserves to have a little love shown her way. You can find different types of organic pads and tampons here.

Organic does cost a bit more, of course. However, consider how often you’re actually buying these things! Do a few things to save yourself some money to put into more natural products! Plus, you’re dealing with everything that comes with having your period-you deserve a little luxury during that time!

 

Bonus tip: How to have your period HAPPILY!

First of all, let me say that having your period can be a massive pain in the vagina. (I would say “pain in the butt”, but I’ve written an entirely different post about that already!)

Give yourself a break, lady! Obviously, now that you have kiddos your days of laying on the couch and drowning your sorrows in a massive tub of chocolate ice cream while watching corny romance movies is over. That said, you need to allow yourself a bit of time to rest. Fill your kids in on what a period is, or simply tell them you’re not feeling well. Watch a movie with them on the couch. Sneak extra chocolate in the laundry room. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel a little better.

At our house, I have a “Period Dinner” once a month. Thanks to my prolapse issues the first day of my period is ridiculously uncomfortable. Years ago, the first day of my period was dubbed “period dinner day” and since then that’s exactly what we’ve done. We order take out and I get a stress free day. You could always opt to stock up on freezer meals for the occasion, as well, but sometimes take out is just what the doctor orders!

get a puppy first

Are you preparing for a baby? Get a puppy first!

I grew up with my Mom jokingly (?) drawing a parallel between kids and pets. She always said that you had to feed, water, and walk both. Naturally, as a child who clearly didn’t see the problem with my constant desire for snacks, strange obsession with my water bottle, and buzzing energy that always needed to be released I failed to see the similarities. However, now that I have children and pets of my own the similarities are uncanny.

There’s this idea that welcoming a dog into your family before you have children will give you insight into what it’s like to have children. Some parents poo-poo this idea, but as a family who had children and then got a dog, I can tell you first hand that there is some merit to this suggestion.

get a puppy before having a baby

If you want a baby, get a puppy first!!

They both eat floor food.

While it’s slightly more acceptable to encourage your puppy to eat the rice off the floor your baby will do the same. In fact, there will be times where this is relieving when you get a 30-second reprieve from your constant snack making duties. Perhaps it’s their rapid growth in the first few years, or perhaps they have worms, but it seems that both puppies and babies have insatiable appetites.

They both poop on the floor

Babies are safely in diapers for the first while, but once they learn the ability to remove their poop catchers all bets are off. The main difference is that your lovely puppy will eat their feces while your lovely tot will simply smear it all over the wall. Which is worst? You take your pick.

They both require major energy exertion

Off-leash or on a leash these animals need to get out! Find a friend who also has a dog and big backyard. You can run them both at the same time, exhaust them at the same time, and hopefully enjoy the quiet as they flop down beside each other for a snooze.

(Ya, that actually really is a thing!)

prepare for kids by getting a puppy

They both whine when you leave the house

The main difference here is that you normally don’t leave a small child at home alone. However, if you’ve ever left a 2-year-old with your partner for the afternoon while you take some much-needed Mom time you know what I’m talking about. They give you those big huge “please don’t leave me” eyes and beg you not to go; once your partner is finished their pleading your two-year-old will start! As soon as you de-attach the screaming child from your leg and get out the door you’ll hear the dog whimpering by the door. A part of you will feel so grateful that there is so much love directed your way and your heart strings will be pulled as the guilt slowly sets in. Buuuuuuuut a bigger part of you will run to your car even faster. Have fun, Mom!

They both require a tremendous amount of your attention

If you don’t give a puppy enough of your attention they will eat your brand new pair of Tom shoes (ya, that’s a real friggin’ thing, too). If you don’t give your child enough of your attention, well, depending on the child, they may eat your brand new pair of Tom shoes, too. Either way, they both need a lot of attention. The best way to get past this is to sick your child on your dog. Encourage your child to give belly rubs and the dog will reciprocate the love in form of a wet tongue on their nose. It’s gross attention but it’s attention. This method will get you a few minutes of not having to give anyone a belly rub. Believe me, you’re going to need a break!

They both need to be groomed

It’s socially acceptable to not bathe a dog for three weeks, however, the same is not true for kids*.

*On a side note: no judgment from this lady. There have been times when I haven’t been able to remember the last time my children were bathed. It wasn’t until Grandma pointed out the felt pen marks on the children were still there from the last time she saw them that I realized the actual length between baths.

They both will take over your bed

prepare for a puppy

They will both wake you up so they can pee. They will both wake you up so they can have water. They will both wake you up just to say “I love you”.

You’ll love them both mostly equally-but you’ll tend to appreciate your canine friend a lot more when they don’t ask you for the keys to the car or roll their eyes at you!