You've been waiting a long time to have sex after giving birth, but there are a few things you need to know before you get back to it!

Things you need to know before having sex after giving birth

So, you’ve been given the ol’ go-ahead from your doctor or midwife to resume sex after giving birth.

Yay! Or not…

You’ve probably realized by now that the fun act of having sex was what got you into this predicament in the first place, and now you can’t get past that massively significant detail.

Your new realization, combined with the mild burning sensation you still experience in your perineum when you poop has made your enthusiasm towards a once carefree activity a little less so.

Your partner is rearing to go. It’s been a while, let’s face it. The last month of pregnancy was essentially a no-go in the sex department, understandably. You were beautifully very pregnant, overheated, overhormoned, and overwhelmed. Sex could have been a consideration if sitting on the couch eating an entire watermelon wasn’t the other option. (Don’t even tell me I’m the only pregnant woman to ever eat an entire watermelon in one sitting…)

After a long month of hearing “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CAN’T EVEN SEE THE VAGINA YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH” topped with approximately 6 weeks of strict orders to avoid sexual relations your partner, and perhaps you are ready to get back in the saddle again.

Bow chicka wow wow.

Or not…

So far, you’ve experienced change in every aspect of your life since welcoming your little person to the world. Don’t expect a change in sex after giving birth to be any less drastic.

There are a few things you should know before having sex after giving birth:

You've been waiting a long time to have sex after giving birth, but there are a few things you need to know before you get back to it!

-Just because you’ve been given the go-ahead from your medical health professional doesn’t mean you have to have sex. It’s a personal thing and when you feel ready you’ll know. There are loads of variables that contribute to a person wanting to, or not wanting to have sex. Just because your friend is resuming her vivacious sex life (for now…wait until that kid is a bit older) doesn’t mean that you have to follow suit. Live vicariously through her for now and you do you (literally) when you’re ready.

-Your partner may be into being sprayed by your let down, but if not keep it contained by wearing a bra with breast pads.

-Go slow. The last time your vagina was getting attention it was because there was a freakin’ baby coming out of it. Show the gal some love by making sure that you go slow until you’re fully comfortable with speeding up the pace.

-On the note of vaginal loving, make sure you stay lubricated, too. You’re probably a little nervous and the lovely array of hormones that are coursing through your body aren’t helping on the natural lubrication front.

-Figure out birth control before resuming sexual activity. Clearly, the one you were using last didn’t work;)

-I was kidding about the looking at your vagina thing. You do need to acknowledge the change that’s occurred in your body. It really is the only way you’re going to get back to being comfortable. Grab a mirror and get reacquainted with your beautiful body (p.s. scars from perineum stitches look super badass.)

-Maybe give the whole thing a whirl on your own before with a partner. Explore your changed body and see what feels right and what doesn’t. Share this information with your partner so that they can modify their actions to accommodate to what works for you.

-Your previous style of sex life may no longer be possible. May I suggest some Kama Sutra just for parents?

Acknowledge and accept that sex after childbirth is different than sex before childbirth-for a while, anyway.

There are different sensations, sounds, even smells. You may have a hard time focussing or getting in the mood. It’s normal to experience these changes. However, if you are finding that it’s been a great deal of time since giving birth and you still are uninterested in sexual activity you may want to discuss it with your healthcare provider to rule out things such as Postpartum Depression.

Sex after birth is a new experience, and it truly can be a great one. Explore. Communicate with your partner. Laugh (yeah, I’m serious).

Have fun, you sexy vixen!

how to deal with your preteen

How to deal with your preteen

You suspect your kiddo is becoming a preteen. They’ve become more independent. Maybe they babysit? Perhaps they’re cooking meals? They’re probably spending time with friends and requesting a little more space.

Just when you think things are going to get easier (no more diapers, no more two year old tantrums) you get to deal with some good ol’ fashioned hormones.

You may notice that your kiddo is getting to be a bit more on the moody side these days. To be honest, it’s understandable. You know those times throughout the month when you’re unreasonably angry and sad and happy all at the same time? That’s how a preteen feels all the time right now.

These are some suggestions for how to deal with your preteen. Please remember that I’m no child psychologist or professional child development specialist, but these are what I find works based on experience.

A.sk your preteen if they want to talk

Sometimes it takes a little bit of prompting to get your preteen to talk to you. Definitely don’t push the matter, but opening up the opportunity may be just what they need to be able to get some stuff off of their chest.

H.ave open and honest conversation with them

If your preteen does decide that they’d like to talk be as open and honest with them as possible. They may share some things with you that you’re uncomfortable with; avoid being blatantly uncomfortable. You are their safe space. If you don’t think you can deal with uncomfortable conversation with your preteen try and find someone who may have an easier time.

H.ug them

Your kiddo NEEDS A HUG! Just the offer of a hug may be enough, but often times your preteen will be all over the chance of an embrace. Hold them until they let go- they’ll let you know when they’re done their hug.

H.ear what they’re saying to you

When your preteen is talking to you make sure you are actively listening. They’re trying to communicate with you about their experience the best that they can. Show them that you’re listening by paraphrasing what they’re saying and say it back to them.

Life as a preteen can be hard. Here are some suggestions to help make the transition into adulthood a little bit smoother!

O.ffer your own personal experience

You are your child’s idol (despite the angst currently being directed your way). When you can offer insight into your own personal experience of preteen life they get a little more assurance that a) you’re genuinely empathizing with them during their challenging time, and b) you’re a human being, and not just a parent.

R.emind them that this hormonal shift is normal

While you explain to your preteen that their daily mood swings and physical changes once happened to you, also explain that they happen to EVERYONE! Puberty is a shift that occurs at one point in everyone’s life. All of their feelings are totally normal!

M.aintain communication

Periodically ask if your child wants to chat and always mention that you’re available to talk at any time.

O.bserve

It can be easy to be overbearing when it comes to making sure your kiddo is doing alright. Instead of constantly asking them if they’re okay or offering hugs at every turn keep your eye on them. You know your child and can likely tell when they need a bit of extra TLC.

N.ecessitate breaks for yourself

Ooooh you’re starting to have a bit of sympathy towards your own parents, eh? Living with a preteen is no walk in the park (just ask your folks). You’ll be required to give a lot of yourself to your preteen in this time and it can be draining. Make sure you’re giving yourself some love and attention, too.

E.ncourage your preteen

This hormonal change is but a blip in life. Soon enough, your preteen will regulate and life will be easier. Keep letting them know that it’s going to be okay.

S.eek out resources

It’s probably been a while since you were a preteen, yes? It’s likely you’ve forgotten a lot about what it’s like to be a preteen and you may need to brush up on your latest preteen info. My go-to person for all things preteen is Sexual Health with Sam!

Life as a preteen, and life living with a preteen can be tumultuous. Using some of the “AHHORMONES” suggestions above you may be able to make it a little bit of a smoother transition for everyone.

What did you find helped you with your child?

garlic vagina for yeast infection

Why doesn’t my mouth taste like vagina?

(Before I begin this story, I am going to add a little disclaimer and let y’all know that I’m not a doctor and the following anecdote should not replace medical advice.)

On the “crunchy” scale I sit comfortably at about a 7.2.

I like organic food, but I also like bright pink cotton candy ice cream. I hang my laundry to dry, but I’ll also drive my kids to the park half a kilometer away.

You get the drift.

When it comes to natural medicine I always try a natural treatment before using conventional medicine, but I’m not opposed to using some good ol’ Tylenol when necessary, or when I’ve had too much wine the night before.

Now, the majority of us lovely ladies have had some experience with a yeast infection. If you haven’t, you’re the luckiest human on the planet and I hate you a little bit.

When I felt some telltale itching one day I decided to pull out the ol’ Book of Natural Medicine. It advised to create a “garlic tampon”.

Well, now that sounded intriguing.

I consulted with Dr. Google and confirmed that this was an appropriate thing to do.

It was on the internet so I knew it must be okay!

I made myself a lovely garlic tampon and carefully inserted it into my unsuspecting vagina. There didn’t seem to be any immediate reaction.

5 minutes later, however, I could TASTE garlic. I consulted Dr. Google once more (and then deleted my search history) and discovered that this was, indeed, a common side effect of having garlic in your vagina.

There are a lot of great natural remedies to try, but this one won't be for you if you don't enjoy sticking food items up your vagina.


This got me thinking: If I could taste the garlic in my vagina…why doesn’t my mouth always tastes like my vagina? Or maybe it does taste like my vagina but I always just thought that’s how my mouth tasted? Does my vagina taste like garlic when I put garlic in my mouth? So many questions…

I pondered this for quite some time. I snapped out of it when my toddler brought me a handful of her own feces.

In the end, the garlicy insert was successful. I believe I just insulted my vagina enough for her to make some changes in her PH, but nonetheless, it worked.

With some individual research and a trip to a non-Google doctor I would recommend any woman that experiences yeast gives this a try. Actually, I would recommend that any woman that doesn’t experience yeast gives this a try, too.

This won’t work for you if you’re uncomfortable with putting food items into your vagina, or you’re having sex with a vampire.

Otherwise, go ahead and try out nature’s yeast cure. Make yourself some organic pasta (go big or go home, friend), and enjoy some subtle hints of garlic without having to add any to the sauce.

This article was originally shared on
https://www.sammichespsychmeds.com/

mdhm pee

A Mom’s guide to peeing your pants

You think you’ve got it this time. You see the door and you’re sure you can make it. You carefully maneuver yourself-slowly and cautiously with legs tightly, yet inconspicuously together-to your destination. Suddenly, something stops  you in your tracks. You’ve felt this before and you know the outcome can be tragic. You cross your legs in a very obvious fashion now and wait for the urge to pass.

It doesn’t.

“AAAACHOOOOOOOFUCK”.

That’s the sound you make when you sneeze and pee a little.

At home it ain’t no thang. You ignore the confused look from your potty training two-year-old who just got that “we pee in the potty and not in our pants, please” and proceed to search for a clean pair of granny panties and yoga tights to put on.

Things are a little different when you’re in public and the dangerous combination of having to pee and having to sneeze presents itself,  reminding you of the awkward phase in your life where you’re too old for baby diapers and too young for adult diapers.

You have a few options for what to do with your soiled self when you’re in public:

Own it

Lady, your body did a bad-ass, but literally mother fucking thing. Your bladder was trampled on and likely destroyed by that small person that lived inside of you for 9 million months, and it won’t ever be the same again despite all the kegels you do.

Stretch marks are a badge of honor for some child-bearing women. Why can’t a little puddle of pee on occasion hold the same sentiment?

Pretend you’re in labor

Chances are you have a bit of residual baby belly-because that shit lasts a lifetime. If not, quickly grab a sweater under your shirt and grab your belly in a maternal way accompanied by an expression of surprise from your water just breaking. Play the irrational labouring woman to your advantage and insist you need expensive chocolate to calm your contractions just enough for you to get to the car and drive yourself to the hospital, thank you very much.

Stage an accident

Oh no! Your water bottle was faulty and spilled water all down your front when you went to take a drink!

*Please note: this is only a reasonable option if you have actual water in your water bottle. We don’t need to reveal any secrets now, do we?!

Find Adam Sandler

“You’re not cool unless you pee your pants”-Billy Madison.

Remember that movie? When Adam Sandler plays Billy Madison and splashes water on his crotch to show solidarity to a peer who peed his pants and was being ridiculed by the other kids?

Chances are you’re not actually going to find Adam Sandler in the middle of a Costco diaper section, but you might find someone who’s got your back. Catch the gaze of a fellow Mama. She’s probably dealt with this situation. She may not engage in an act of solidarity quite like Billy Madison did, but she may offer some empathetic assistance and you may find yourself a bestie!

 

You always have the option to wrap your sweater around your waist or put some shopping bags in front of unfortunate incident, Truly, though, the alternatives above seem like a fun way to lighten up the situation a bit.

In order to prevent these little incidents try making sure you don’t get to a point where you really have to go. You know how you tell your kids that holding in your pee is really bad for you and they shouldn’t do it? NEITHER SHOULD YOU! Take those few moments to relieve yourself. If you don’t, urine trouble.

 

 

social media

Is social media improving your life?

*Yo, if you don’t like profanity this may not be the thing for you to read. I mean, I think I make a pretty decent point, but I also think I really enjoy f-bombs when they help me make that point stronger.

Happy reading!

social media

 

Social media can be a real mother fucker.

Never-ending opinions, latest research findings, and all the things mothers “should” be doing are constantly being thrown in their faces via the world of social media. Whether it’s clickbait headlines on Facebook newsfeeds or pictures of perfection filling peers and influencers Instagram accounts- it’s affecting mothers.

Some of the material is innocent and legitimate. Some of it is intentionally fear-provoking and senseless. Nonetheless, it’s fucking mothers up.

It’s fucking mothers up to think that they are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them terrified to speak up online for fear of judgment.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them think we are under constant scrutiny and are one step away from a misunderstanding going viral.

It’s fucking mothers up to make them believe that we have to assimilate to the ways of the current trend or it could be detrimental to our child.

It’s fucking mothers up by making them question every single thing we do as parents, and instead of following our instincts we follow our news feed.

Social media is a part of our lives. It’s difficult near impossible to escape but there are ways to reduce the effect that this mother fucker has:

Take things with a grain of salt.

Everyone has an opinion. Yours is the only one that matters. Seriously consider the source of the opinion and assess whether or not it has any value for you.

You asked an innocent question in a Facebook group. Now, you’re being labeled a “bad mother” because of someone’s ignorant interpretation of your inquiry.

Does Sally from Timbuktu know you or your child? Noppers! Forget her. She’s got bigger problems of her own. Guaranteed.  

Ignore the trolls.

Troll/noun/(in present-day lore): a person who has way too much time on their hands who watches for any conversation that he/she can jump into with a controversial and usually judgemental viewpoint. The purpose of their engagement is merely to start arguments and make other people feel awful. Ignore these people. 

Be conscientious of the time you spend on social media

Don’t get sucked into the deep, dark time-sucking world of scrolling. Avoid joining groups where negativity and condescension are the norm amongst the participants. Social media is supposed to bring together community and allow insight into the lives of your friends and family. Using it for its virtuous purpose will reduce any risk of heartache you may encounter.

Be mindful of your own actions

You completely open yourself up to vulnerability when you post anything on your profile. It’s easy to get into the habit of thinking before you speak, but try and get into the habit of thinking before you type, too. While a verbal mix up is usually somewhat rectifiable screenshots of your recent public rant have the potential to haunt you for much longer.

 

Social media is the biggest tool of our time. Its potential to influence is insurmountable and needs to be highly regarded for its power.

With its flaws, it has its benefits. It brings people together. It allows active communication amongst friends, family, and acquaintances. It opens gateways for creativity and inspiration. It provides people with an opportunity to live within and outside of themselves through self-expression.

Focus on those positives.

Show empathy and support online. Offer advice only when it is asked for.

Be encouraging. Be kind.

 

Be a part of the mother fucking change.

this is the one thing you will need as a new mom

This is the ONE thing you will NEED as a new Mom

You just had a baby! Congratulations!

a new mom will need this

If this is your first baby it’s likely that you’ve been bombarded with suggestions on all the things you’re going to need for baby.

Well, Mama, I’m here to share a little secret with you: babies really don’t need a lot!

Look at that tiny little bundle. They truly don’t care if they have the newest playpen or bouncy chair or ridiculously beautiful baby hammock that you bought because YOU wanted it but didn’t actually need.

you don't need a lot of stuff for baby

Don’t get me wrong. As a mom, I’ve gone through my fair share of “things” for my babies. I’ve had the swings, the chairs, the this, the that, but truly there was only one thing that I would ever get for a baby again*:

A BABY CARRIER!!

 

*Just to clarify, I AM NOT having any more babies. When I reference any future babies I mean them as hypothetical. This ship has sailed pour moi, ladies. That said, I entirely WOULD have another child if it could stay a newborn for a really, really long time. Considering that isn’t a thing, I will swoon HARD over yours and every other newborn I encounter, and I’ll mush and gush at the idea, and my ovaries will flutter when I think about itty bitty newborn smell….BUT I AM NOT HAVING ANY MORE BABIES!*

Your tiny little bean really just wants to be held. Not like a little bit held, but a lot a bit held. It ain’t called the fourth trimester for nothing! As a new Mama you’re going to want to comply with this request, but truly sometimes it’s a bit challenging to do things like feed yourself while you hold this a little package of sweetness.

So, what do you do?

When my now ridiculously huge children were cute, squishy, itty-bitty babies I used a Cuddly Wrap. Basically, it’s a long piece of stretchy fabric that you wrap around yourself to create a pouch that baby hangs out in. This keeps baby nice and close enough that they can hear your heartbeat, smell their Mama, and be entirely content (in theory).

BONUS TIP: If you’re having a difficult time nursing, skin to skin contact helps your milk come in. Strip baby down to a diaper and put the wrap on yourself with no top or bra on. and enjoy some skin-to-skin while you make yourself some delicious lactation cookies!

my newborn in the carrier

Follow me on Instagram by clicking on the photo!

When my little ones turned about 3 months old I put them in my Ergo soft structured baby carrier. The Ergo does have a newborn insert, but my kiddos never liked it, so we always stuck with the Cuddly Wrap for the first bit.

I bought my Ergo second hand when I was pregnant with my second daughter. I LOVE MY ERGO. Like, I don’t know what I’m going to do when the day comes that I don’t use it anymore. Each kiddo has practically lived in it from the time they were three months until they were almost three!! I wore it while pregnant, I nursed in it, I folk festivaled in it, hiked in it…I’ve done EVERYTHING in my Ergo.

baby carrier that rocks!

Now, as I sit here trying to sell you on Ergo baby carriers (and yes, that’s what I’m trying to do because I will make a commission on each sale at no cost to you, but mostly because I really, really, really think that every Mama needs an Ergo!!) I originally thought I would borrow someone’s brand new Ergo to take some nice photos in. However, I had a quick change of heart when a friend asked to borrow mine to take her little for a walk and I genuinely felt as if I was giving a piece of my heart away! It’s a good thing I love that Mama to bits because I don’t loan my Ergo to just anyone!

This super stained, tattered lovely little baby holder has been my saving grace! I’ve been able to keep my little ones super close to me while I still accomplish everything that I need to. Out of everything I’ve ever used as a Mama this is the one thing I would say is an ABSOLUTE NECESITY!

A few things to note about Ergo baby carriers:

-When you’re wearing your little person on your back you may forget she is there! An Ergo baby carrier is so comfortable that it’s happened to me a time or two. If you can’t seem to find your wee one check on your back before panicking.

-Take advantage of the extra weight you’re carrying. Do some squats or lunges. Get yourself a free workout in when you can!!

-Don’t wear an Ergo with an adult onesie. Inevitably, your sweet baby will fall asleep snuggled up against you…and that’s when you’re going to need to pee. Unless you have a handy butt flap on those pajamas, it’s best to wear a two piece pajama set until you’re no longer at risk of a cute, cuddly, sweet smelling, soft, squishy….okay, okay I’m getting carried away again.

-You can easily redecorate and customize your Ergo to fit your kick-ass personality! Check out this tutorial on my Pinterest page!

So, what are you waiting for?! Are you convinced that this baby carrier will SERIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?! Do you already own one? Show me your photos. Tell me your stories. Have you ever lost YOUR baby on your back?!

Still not convinced? Check out this video on how to wear your baby in your Ergo carrier!