why i don't encourage breastfeeding

Why I no longer encourage breastfeeding

Breast is best.

Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best.

As new mothers, we are bombarded with the slogan of “breast is best”. It’s a campaign to raise awareness surrounding breastmilk and it’s health benefits for mother and child. Breastmilk, in fact, provides all the nourishment that a child will need for the first six months. It is chock full of nutrients that can reduce sickness in a baby while also preventing various illnesses later in their lives. Breastfeeding can increase a child’s intelligence, as well as provide the mother with health benefits such as assisting her uterus to return to its pre-baby shape and reducing her risk of breast cancer.

little adventures company advertisement

Breastmilk is incredible.

Breastfeeding is incredible.

However, it’s truly not for everyone. Throughout my years as a mom, I’ve encountered many different women. I have friends who have nursed their children for four years, some who have nursed their baby for 6 months, some who tried to nurse and hated it, some who tried to nurse and could not, and some who didn’t want to try breastfeeding at all.

Do you know what all of these women have in common? They’re all caring, compassionate, involved, wonderful mothers whose best interest is always in their child.

There seems to be this certain superiority surrounding breastfeeding. Women get shamed at the playground because they’re feeding their baby a bottle of formula. There is often little thought given to why a mom may be feeding her baby formula. There are a few reasons why she may be doing this:

I no longer encourage breastfeeding

-She doesn’t want to breastfeed

-She can’t breastfeed

-She won’t breastfeed

There are many reasons why a mom chooses not to breastfeed her child ranging from her not wanting to, to her having experienced sexual trauma that prevents her from emotionally being able to, to her body simply not allowing it. Regardless of the reason why she chooses not to breastfeed, it is nobody’s business but her own.

I went through lactation hell each and every time I had a baby. I took expensive supplements, ate all the lactation boosting things, and was a slave to the breast pump. I also gave my babies formula because I wasn’t actually able to produce enough milk to sustain their tiny bodies. The choice to breastfeed isn’t always an easy one, nor is the choice to formula feed.

If my opinion is asked specifically regarding breastfeeding I will always highly encourage breastfeeding based on my own personal experience. I loved it. If my opinion is not asked, however, I will not encourage breastfeeding. I once was a major breastfeeding advocate. Whenever I could I would encourage breastfeeding, even when it was clear that a mom did not want to. In recent years I’ve begun to take a different approach. Now, when a mom expresses to me that she’s tried breastfeeding, doesn’t like it, and needs suggestions on how to dry up her breastmilk I don’t intervene. I simply give her suggestions (Oil of Oregano, sage tea, cabbage leaves in your bra) and words of praise and encouragement for the superb job she’s doing as a mom. She’s made a decision that she feels is best for her and her baby! Who am I to say she’s wrong?

We’re all in this together. This mom thing is hard super, ridiculously, incredibly challenging. Moms have enough to worry about with everything that comes with being a parent; nobody needs the stress of judgment and criticism on top of that! Help make sure that all women feel empowered for the way they’ve chosen to feed their babies!

masturbating is important

These are the top reasons you should be masturbating

Hey there, you sexy vixen! This is just a heads up that there are affiliate links in this post. That means, that if you click on one of these links I’ll receive compensation from the company at absolutely no cost to you. You’ll be getting your thrills, I’ll be getting mine. It’s pretty win-win. Now, go ahead and carry on reading about the art of masturbating!

We’ve all been there.

You’re sitting with your friend at the kitchen table when your kids come marching in holding your vibrator. Damn it! Is there no hiding spot they can’t find?! You try to shrug it off by commenting on “how phallic kids toys look these days” while also justifying the redness in your cheeks by asking if it’s warm or if it’s just you. You go to put the plastic penis away while wondering if your friend realizes it actually came from your toy chest and not the kids’. You also wonder if she happened to notice the size of your battery operated boyfriend and begin to feel slightly self-conscious. You return to the kitchen table and silently do kegels for the rest of your visit while subtly reminding her of the four vaginal births you’ve had.

That night when you go to bed and reach for your vibrator you start to think about your friend. No, not like that. You question why you got so embarrassed about her finding out that you masturbate. What’s the big deal? You’re pretty sure she does it herself. At the very least she’s having sex (or did before she had kids). Sex with another person isn’t embarrassing, so why is sex by yourself such a mortifying confession?

Listen. We all have needs and women have three pretty basic ones: food (chocolate), water (wine), and sex. While food and water are easily accessible life can present funny little challenges when it comes to getting our hands on the latter on the list of needs. Relationship status, scheduling issues, or simply an intensely strong aversion to the idea of pregnancy can prevent sex with a person from happening. 

That doesn’t mean that your quest for orgasmic release has to come to a halt. What’s the alternative, you ask? The answer is right at your fingertips. Literally.

TOUCH YOURSELF.

You need just a little to diddle. Nothing fancy or expensive is required. You need your hands, a little bit of alone time (the bathroom door locks, right?), and some sexy thoughts. Get to know your body. Sex with a partner doesn’t always allow for the same self-exploration that flyin’ solo does. Take advantage of this to find out exactly what tickles your fancy (and yes, there was sexual connotation in “tickles your fancy”. If you could go ahead and read that sentence again but say it while raising an eyebrow in a suggestive way or something…).

Maybe the fingers of a Goddess (you) are becoming a little boring for you. Perhaps you’re looking for something a little more risqué. That’s where your old friend BOB comes in. BOB is a Battery Operated Boyfriend, and truly he’s the best kind. In fact, there’s already an ode to BOB on this blog, but here’s another just to show appreciation:

BOB, BOB…I know you’re not real,

But the way you make me feel

Is the real deal.

You make my knees weak,

You make my body quiver

You give me everything I need

And nothing from me you ever seek.

Really, you don’t need to get something battery operated. A classic dildo might do the trick for you! Or maybe some nipple clamps? Or possibly anal beads? A field trip to the local sex store may give you the inspiration you need. You might head in there thinking you know what you want but see something else that tickles your fancy (did you do it this time??).

why masturbating is important

*Pro tip: If you touch a vibrator to the tip of your nose that will give you an indication of how it will feel on your clitoris. Doing this probably won’t give you an orgasm- if it does please share because you are the luckiest person on the planet- but it will give you some insight into whether this particular vibrator will be too strong or not strong enough for your pleasuring pleasure.

Before you head into the sex store you need to do a couple things: take off the hat and sunglasses, hold that head up high, understand that everyone who sees you going in there knows why you’re going in there, and choose to not give a flying fuck that everyone who sees you going in there knows why you’re going in there.

If that’s truly not your bag and that empowerment speech didn’t convince you to confidently waltz into your local sex store you’re in luck. Fortunately, we live in an age of technology. There are online stores that carry the same selection of sex toys as your local shop and you can keep your purchases as discreet as possible. In fact, this store ships your order in nondescript packaging so you won’t get any knowing looks from your mail carrier! You can certainly thank the mail carrier for your Rabbit style vibrator (ahhhhhhhhmazing-definitely a high recommendation) or you can not. It’s totally your call.

Toys. No toys. Sex store. Online shopping. However you go about beginning your journey of exploring your relationship with you, yourself, and yours understand the benefits you’ll reap from showing yourself physical love: You can’t catch STI’s. You can’t get pregnant. You can orgasm until YOU’RE done orgasming-because women’s bodies are incredible like that. You’ll relieve stress. If your premenstrual cramps are bad they can be alleviated by an orgasm. The sleep you have after masturbating will be great! You’ll be relaxed. YOU’LL FEEL BOLD AND POWERFUL when masturbating gives you an understanding of how to pleasure yourself and can give your body the lovin’ it craves.

Wanna talk about natural living? This is it! We have urges that need to be satisfied. We have rad bodies that need to be discovered by ourselves. Don’t allow the antiquated notion that sex is taboo get in the way of you embracing, fostering, and nurturing the sexual desires you feel!

Men compare their forearm muscles and rationalize their tardiness because they had to “rub one out”. Women, on the other hand, don’t often discuss why they read this blog post while sitting on top of the washing machine while it was in the spin cycle.

You’ve heard of Hysteria. It was a “disorder” that was caused by ignorant doctors and a lack of societal acceptance. Obviously, there’s a lot more to it than that, but that’s hysteria in a nutshell. We’re way past the days where doctors would have to give women a clinical orgasm to keep them from “going crazy. Nowadays, we get to do that ourselves. And do that ourselves we should! Keep Hysteria at bay; masturbate every day! (Truly, I should be a jingle writer!)

Masturbating isn’t dirty. It isn’t shameful, embarrassing, or unnecessary. So, why do we treat it like it is? Wear your sexual self with pride and confidence. Allow yourself to come around to the idea of being comfortable with your body. Then, allow yourself to come around a few more times- multiple orgasms are a lot easier to have when you’re by yourself FYI! Master the masturbate. You won’t be sorry you did.

Now, go have some sex with the person in the world that you truly should love the most: YOURSELF!

 

 

natural period

How to have your period naturally

Allow me to begin by saying: there’s nothing unnatural about your period!

There are, however, more natural ways around going about having your period.

This post isn’t about why we have our periods. I go into that in further detail in this post. 

This post is about how AWESOME our periods really, actually are and the fun you can have with them!

If you’re keeling over in pain from your cramps right now you may not necessarily agree with this, but having your period is a pretty darn amazing thing. It’s a part of the wonder that is the way the female body works. It’s indicative of our entry into womanhood. It’s also a sure-fire sign that you’re not pregnant this month!!

Women have become very creative in the ways that they have their periods nowadays. The products available are endless and they’re suitable for all needs and lifestyles!

Here’s how to have your period naturally!

There are affiliate links in this post. That means, that you can enjoy some retail therapy while you deal with your monthly blessing, and at no cost to you, I’ll enjoy compensation from the mentioned retailers. 

have your period naturally

Menstrual Cramps

First things first, for those poor ladies I mentioned earlier with the painful cramps, let’s chat about those.

The “Modern Day” in me says take that Tylenol, especially when you don’t have any other choice but to carry on with your day as efficiently as possible. However, the “Hippie Mama” in me says there’s a few other things you can try:

-Heat. Use a heating pad or a hot water bottle.

-Drink some ginger or chamomile tea. Both will help reduce the pain and inflammation.

-Keep your body hydrated and nourished. You don’t want to deal with the effects of not giving your body enough. Try and limit the wine and chocolate that you’re craving SO badly right now.

Have an orgasm! There have been studies to show that having an orgasm will double your tolerance for pain temporarily. It’s worth a try, anyway!

-If you experience painful cramps on a monthly basis give acupuncture a shot. Also, make an appointment with your naturopath who can point you in the right direction for some herbs that will work for your body.

Cloth pads

Do you know what’s in the pads you buy from the drugstore? The heavily scented ones that feel like plastic?

There are LOADS of retailers that sell magnificent cloth pads. You can order them online at Etsy!

The “ick” factor with wearing a cloth pad is minimal. You can easily designate a plastic container to store them in until laundry day, or you can just toss them right in with your regular laundry!

P.S. A post-partum cloth pad makes a great gift for a new Mom! She can plop that baby in with her mesh undies and enjoy comfort (?)!

Menstrual Cups

These gems are seriously awesome. You know how when your little one finds your box of tampons and proceeds to scatter them all over the floor? I do. For some reason, the massive amount of toys they have never seems to suffice and they must play with whatever they’re not supposed to get into.

Instead of having a whole bunch of tampons that you use every month you can trade them all in for one nifty little menstrual cup. I personally have used the DivaCup and love it! It’s made of silicone, can last for 12 hours, is entirely reusable, and has two sizes; one for women who haven’t had kids and one for women who have had kids! It takes a little getting used to and maneuvering to find exactly how to make it fit well for you. I’d do a tutorial on my YouTube channel, but they don’t really condone that kinda thing.

If you’re like me and your insides have been destroyed by having children (thanks for the prolapsed bladder, kiddos!) you may find it more comfortable to actually turn the DivaCup inside out so that it doesn’t fit quite so low.

Organic tampons and pads

Okay, so maybe the reusable thing isn’t your jam. That’s totally cool. However, even if you aren’t a hippie you can probably appreciate that natural, organic menstrual products are safer and gentler on your body. Your vagina has done some amazing things and she deserves to have a little love shown her way. You can find different types of organic pads and tampons here.

Organic does cost a bit more, of course. However, consider how often you’re actually buying these things! Do a few things to save yourself some money to put into more natural products! Plus, you’re dealing with everything that comes with having your period-you deserve a little luxury during that time!

 

Bonus tip: How to have your period HAPPILY!

First of all, let me say that having your period can be a massive pain in the vagina. (I would say “pain in the butt”, but I’ve written an entirely different post about that already!)

Give yourself a break, lady! Obviously, now that you have kiddos your days of laying on the couch and drowning your sorrows in a massive tub of chocolate ice cream while watching corny romance movies is over. That said, you need to allow yourself a bit of time to rest. Fill your kids in on what a period is, or simply tell them you’re not feeling well. Watch a movie with them on the couch. Sneak extra chocolate in the laundry room. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel a little better.

At our house, I have a “Period Dinner” once a month. Thanks to my prolapse issues the first day of my period is ridiculously uncomfortable. Years ago, the first day of my period was dubbed “period dinner day” and since then that’s exactly what we’ve done. We order take out and I get a stress free day. You could always opt to stock up on freezer meals for the occasion, as well, but sometimes take out is just what the doctor orders!

get a puppy first

Are you preparing for a baby? Get a puppy first!

I grew up with my Mom jokingly (?) drawing a parallel between kids and pets. She always said that you had to feed, water, and walk both. Naturally, as a child who clearly didn’t see the problem with my constant desire for snacks, strange obsession with my water bottle, and buzzing energy that always needed to be released I failed to see the similarities. However, now that I have children and pets of my own the similarities are uncanny.

There’s this idea that welcoming a dog into your family before you have children will give you insight into what it’s like to have children. Some parents poo-poo this idea, but as a family who had children and then got a dog, I can tell you first hand that there is some merit to this suggestion.

get a puppy before having a baby

If you want a baby, get a puppy first!!

They both eat floor food.

While it’s slightly more acceptable to encourage your puppy to eat the rice off the floor your baby will do the same. In fact, there will be times where this is relieving when you get a 30-second reprieve from your constant snack making duties. Perhaps it’s their rapid growth in the first few years, or perhaps they have worms, but it seems that both puppies and babies have insatiable appetites.

They both poop on the floor

Babies are safely in diapers for the first while, but once they learn the ability to remove their poop catchers all bets are off. The main difference is that your lovely puppy will eat their feces while your lovely tot will simply smear it all over the wall. Which is worst? You take your pick.

They both require major energy exertion

Off-leash or on a leash these animals need to get out! Find a friend who also has a dog and big backyard. You can run them both at the same time, exhaust them at the same time, and hopefully enjoy the quiet as they flop down beside each other for a snooze.

(Ya, that actually really is a thing!)

prepare for kids by getting a puppy

They both whine when you leave the house

The main difference here is that you normally don’t leave a small child at home alone. However, if you’ve ever left a 2-year-old with your partner for the afternoon while you take some much-needed Mom time you know what I’m talking about. They give you those big huge “please don’t leave me” eyes and beg you not to go; once your partner is finished their pleading your two-year-old will start! As soon as you de-attach the screaming child from your leg and get out the door you’ll hear the dog whimpering by the door. A part of you will feel so grateful that there is so much love directed your way and your heart strings will be pulled as the guilt slowly sets in. Buuuuuuuut a bigger part of you will run to your car even faster. Have fun, Mom!

They both require a tremendous amount of your attention

If you don’t give a puppy enough of your attention they will eat your brand new pair of Tom shoes (ya, that’s a real friggin’ thing, too). If you don’t give your child enough of your attention, well, depending on the child, they may eat your brand new pair of Tom shoes, too. Either way, they both need a lot of attention. The best way to get past this is to sick your child on your dog. Encourage your child to give belly rubs and the dog will reciprocate the love in form of a wet tongue on their nose. It’s gross attention but it’s attention. This method will get you a few minutes of not having to give anyone a belly rub. Believe me, you’re going to need a break!

They both need to be groomed

It’s socially acceptable to not bathe a dog for three weeks, however, the same is not true for kids*.

*On a side note: no judgment from this lady. There have been times when I haven’t been able to remember the last time my children were bathed. It wasn’t until Grandma pointed out the felt pen marks on the children were still there from the last time she saw them that I realized the actual length between baths.

They both will take over your bed

prepare for a puppy

They will both wake you up so they can pee. They will both wake you up so they can have water. They will both wake you up just to say “I love you”.

You’ll love them both mostly equally-but you’ll tend to appreciate your canine friend a lot more when they don’t ask you for the keys to the car or roll their eyes at you!

myperiod is going around

Do you have Myperiod?

Imagine if you could see life through your child’s eyes. It would probably go something like this…

 

Mom’s SUPER grumpy today. Every little thing is setting her over the deep end.

For example, I was only on my 4th time asking for candy this morning when she freaked out. I’m not talking her average freak out (exasperated sigh, a moderate increase in the volume of her voice, shaking her head).

No. This was much scarier than that.

 

First she shouted “NO! STOP ASKING”. Then she threw a towel at the counter. Then she started crying.

I thought she was actually going to give in when I saw her reach for the chocolate but I quickly realized that it was for her. The look on Mom’s face and the protective hunkered stance she held made me too afraid to even think about asking for a share.

She continued on in this peculiar state for some time, occasionally grumbling about how much she “hates being a woman” sometimes.

I don’t get it! Women are awesome!! They get to wear make-up, they have boobs, they smell good, and they’re clearly the smartest beings on the planet!!

Now, I normally don’t ask Mom what’s wrong with her. The conversation usually results in her telling me how I’M driving her crazy, what I’M doing wrong and the things that I need to change. I don’t understand why it always ends up being about me…I’m asking what’s wrong with HER.

Anyways, I figured this time would possibly be an exception, and it was! I asked Mom: “what’s wrong?” and prepared myself for my usual half hour talking to. It didn’t happen. She simply said, “Oh, nothing honey, it’s just my period.”

What’s “Myperiod”?? I don’t want to catch it! It seems to make you miserable and tired, makes you look terrible and seems rather painful.

However, it seems that chocolate is a cure…..could it be all that bad??

I decided that the chocolate cure was not worth the symptoms so I maintained a decent distance from Mom for the duration of the day so as not to catch Myperiod.

I also told any women that we encountered during the day that Mom has Myperiod so that they could take the necessary precautions to keep themselves safe.

Thoughtful, eh?!

 

I’m the smartest person in the world.

 

 

how you know you've met the mom love of your life

How you know you’ve met the Mom love of your life

It’s a lot more difficult to make friends when you’re an adult than it was when you were younger. Perhaps life experiences have caused us to be more cautious when choosing friends now. Maybe it’s that the criteria for choosing friends are more extensive than “I like your scrunchie”.

Ok, so that’s actually still a criterion as an adult, but it’s alongside a multitude of other ones that are just as important, like how kind they are and how good at making coffee they are.

While it’s more difficult to make these friends as an adult it’s always worth the extra effort you have to put in. The ladies you become friends with go through the hardest stage of your lives with you. You’ll be close. They need you and you need them.

You’ll meet a lot of different women in your journey through motherhood, but there are a few ways to know when you’ve met a true MILFF (Mom I’d Like to Friend on Facebook):

MILFF

Signs you’ve met the Mom love of your life

 

  1. You never feel you have to start a conversation with “I know this is TMI, but….”

  2. You know when your children are with her they’re in good hands. They’ll be sent outside to play with her kids while she happily watches Netflix and periodically checks on them from the window.

  3. She just seems to know when to invite you over for coffee.

  4. Her house is never clean when you go over. She wants to make you feel at home.

  5. She’s told you her full birth story and hasn’t left anything out.

  6. She never interferes when you’re parenting, unless she’s backing you up against your raging 3-year-old.

  7. You both drag your kids to the playground because playdates are entirely not always about them.

  8. She says she’s going to bring over a bottle of wine, but she doesn’t. She brings a MAGNUM bottle of wine.

  9. You know she loves your kids like her own.

  10. You love her kids like they’re your own.

  11. You tell her everything knowing she is judging nothing.

  12. She tells you secrets that she hasn’t even told her partner.

  13. She’s got your back when your innocent Facebook post gets bombarded by Sanctimommies.

  14. Her partner asks when you’ll see each other next because she’s always happier after spending time with you.

15. A week of not seeing each other feels like an eternity!

 

As adults, we can understand and appreciate a good friend when you’ve found one. Once you’ve found that Mom love of your life hang onto her. Momming is hard. You’re gonna need each other to tell your deepest darkest secrets to; like when you actually last bathed your children!