best lingerie after baby

The best lingerie to wear after you’ve had a baby

So, you’re looking to spice things up a bit with some lingerie.

Look at you, mama!

You spend almost all of your time in yoga tights and a t-shirt and you’re hoping to bring sexy back with a little negligee that will knock your partner’s socks off (and hopefully everything else they’re wearing, too!)

Ship the kids off to their grandparents, forget about the sex positions just for parents, turn those lights on, and get ready to get busy!

Best lingerie to wear after having a baby

This article contains affiliate links. That means that I may receive a commission on your purchase at no cost to you. It’s a win-win: I can pay for the result of what happened the last time I wore lingerie (kids) and you can enjoy your pretty new unmentionables AND some sexing.

Babydoll

One of the biggest complaints that I hear from moms is that they’re uncomfortable with their tummy. For this reason, many of these women won’t wear a two-piece lingerie set.

I get this.

Wearing a babydoll is a great way to still feel sexy while you keep parts of yourself concealed that may keep you more comfortable. The more confident you are the more sexier you’re going to feel, so this may be a perfect option for you!

Bra and panty set

Now, for those of you wanting to strut your stuff, this is a lovely option that’s practical and pretty.

The beauty of this ensemble is that you can wear it when you’re wanting to turn your partner on and you can also wear it when you’re needing to wear something pretty but don’t want to wear that nice dress you have because the kids will destroy it with their chocolatey fingers.

The best option: Wear this little ditty underneath your everyday clothes. When your partner undresses you they’ll be pleasantly surprised with the layer you’ve got on underneath your snot covered outfit!

Roll play costume

Assuming the last time your partner was in the company of a nurse was when said nurse was assisting you in bringing your child into the world.

There may be a bit of a traumatic association that’s been built there.

Restore your partner’s love of nurses with this fun outfit! Be careful not to mention the words “cervix” or “dilated”, though, as that may get them running the other way.

If nurses aren’t your thing you can find outfits as police officers and maids, too! Choose something that you’d be interested in playing the role of and go with it!

Nursing bra

For the folks wanting to be super functional about this whole “sexy lingerie thing” might I suggest a fancier than normal nursing bra?

Let’s face it: a nursing bra is the ultimate tool in providing easy access to not only your breastfeeding baby but your breast hungry partner, as well!

This nursing bra is the best kind as it doesn’t have any underwire (not ideal for breastfeeding folks), is comfortable, and is super sexy! Again, this is a great choice for when you’re wanting to feel a little more provocative throughout your day but don’t particularly want to dress up.

Cute and comfy

Last but not least, when do you feel the sexiest, most confident, and most empowered? When you’re comfortable!

Your partner will take one look at you in this cozy suit and see the goddess in you. It provides with a bit of a teaser by showing a bit more skin than your sweat pants and oversized hoody, but still allows you to move comfortably.

There you have it! These are the best types of lingerie you can wear after you’ve had a baby! The best part is, is that you can order them all on while you’re feeding your baby or taking a 5-minute break from the kids in a locked bathroom!

What’s your favorite thing to wear? If you had to choose one from this list which one would it be?

mentally prepared for birth

Get out of your head and into bed!

So you’ve just had a baby.

You’re stretched, you’re stressed, you don’t feel sexy.  You do want to have sex. You really want it. But in the words of Linda from Bob’s Burgers, “You kids ruined three out of five of my sexy bits!”

Interpret that as you will, I think we can all identify with her. But trust me, you’re over-thinking it. Nature wants you to get back to the bump and grind. 

You’ve just been “eating for two” for nine months. You grew to the size of a blimp and now all that extra skin is flapping around like a superhero’s cape. Even if you stayed slim and trim throughout the pregnancy, and are snapping back like a fresh elastic, you still find yourself a different size and shape than you once were.

You probably don’t feel sexy. I know I didn’t. When you have to lift fistfuls of floppy flesh to find your ruined sexy bits, you don’t feel like your partner wants to get back into those sexy bits.

But…a study found that men under stress find that junk in the trunk more attractive. And who is more stressed than a new father? (Well, a new mother, obviously). Stressed men are hardwired by evolution to be more turned on by hardy, fertile, famine-proof women. So have that full-fat ice cream and rest assured that your ruined bits aren’t ruined for him. 

Being a parent means that you, definitely and irreversibly, are a grown-up. So maybe it’s time to move the bar a bit. Your attractiveness and worth are measured differently now.

Your partner should be turned on by your mind (however clouded with baby brain), your personality (however hormone-altered, temporarily) and your sweet, sweet, painfully engorged lactating breasts (or shrivelled, empty chest husks). The point is, this person has made an investment in you, and, hopefully, watched the withdrawal being made. Which means that they should have a respect for you that transcends how tight your stomach is, or how clean your hair is.

You are a vessel of life. Accept the adoration you are due. When your partner says, “You’re beautiful,” accept it. Why not? Even if you think they’re lying, at least they’re lying because they love you enough to want you to feel good about yourself. But they probably aren’t lying. Stop looking at yourself and look around for a minute. Are you the only saggy, tired, weirdly both too wet and too dry, red-eyed shambling beast out there? Not by a long shot. Don’t look at that magazine rack. That won’t help. Go to the pool on seniors day. You’ll feel like a goddess. And you’ll get some gentle exercise. 

Physical stumbling blocks aside, a lot of what holds us back is mental. If you co-sleep with your baby or sleep with them in your room, there’s always the worry that you’ll scar them for life. But don’t worry. As long as that little bundle is fast asleep and under the age of two, they won’t be scarred if you have a horizontal workout in the same room.

Research has shown that memories aren’t formed before the age of two, so put the slumbering wee one aside and have at it. For many centuries, and still, in many cultures, separate bedrooms were not a thing. Everyone in the family slept together in the same room or bed, and so sex was and is still something that happens pretty damn close to where the kids are passed out. This will not turn your children into perverts. Best case scenario, it will ruin porn for them. 

“Let’s talk about SEX
(after having a baby)”

Your guide to all things sex postpartum

Get on the waitlist to be the first to know when this sexy guide is available!

We also often worry about dividing our attention. No one wants to be the one behind the headline: Baby Dies of Suffocation While Parents Have Sexy Romp. But parents in Mongolia wrap the baby up and leave it in the yurt while they go out and herd the yaks. Those babies are fine. If you’ve put the baby down to sleep safely, you can relax. Turn off the baby monitor and let your adult side do what it needs to. This does not make you a bad parent. It makes you reasonable. 

So, when you feel horny and a window of opportunity opens, jump through. Don’t worry about how sexy you look (You’re fine!) or whether it’s socially acceptable (society is way too uptight). The only things you have to worry about are: Do we both want it? Have we got some form of birth control? And what are the odds we’ll get through it without one or both of us falling asleep?

Once you have consent, a condom and enough pillows that you can pass out comfortably, have at it. After all, as Linda sang triumphantly at the end of the episode, “I’ve still got two out of five sexy bits left!” 

Camille Atebe is the mother of three kids, ages 18, 11, and 1. Camille acts, writes and paints in between mothering stints.

You can find her at www.camilleatebe.com

how your sex life changes after birth

5 ways your sex life changes when you’re a parent

“Things don’t have to change just because you have kids.”

Lie.

Firmly planted in the list of changes, amongst the many, MANY things that change once you bring a screaming miniature version of yourself into this world, is your sex life when you’re a parent.

On a very basic level of changes that occur with your sex life when you’re a parent are things like:

-not being able to have sex whenever, wherever you feel like it

-not being able to take long, sensual showers together without pounding on the door from someone screaming they need to go poo.

-not being able to have sex with the lights on AND the door unlocked

-not being able to have sex without making sure that children are asleep (or at least very engrossed in the newest episodes of Paw Patrol), the house is tidied, everything is packed for the next day, and you’ve washed the spaghetti sauce out of your hair (or not, I’m not here to judge your sex life).

That is just the beginning of the list of things that will be immediately different for you with your sex life when you’re a parent. Here are some other bits that require a little more explaining.

5 ways your sex life changes when you’re a parent

How to make more time for your sex life

You’ll probably have less of it

It doesn’t matter if promising your partner sex 5 times a week was in your vows-it’s probably not going to be happening right now. In fact, you’ll be lucky if you can make it happen 5 times a month, at least in the early phases of your kiddo’s life.

Not only will everyday life get in the way of allowing for sexy time, but general everyday life EXHAUSTION will also get in the way. Ask the majority of parents who haven’t slept in a few days if they’d rather get some sleep or get freaky and you’ll quickly see where priorities tend to be.

If you can try and discuss the possibility of having sex before it actually happens over a casual lunch conversation. Determining that this is something that you both would like to see happen may give you enough motivation to bring it to fruition.

Quickies will become necessary

Not just necessary, but the norm.

Nothing kills the mood like a kid walking in on you mid-bone because you forgot to lock the door or a baby waking up in the middle of your romp-session because they smell your letdown as you are 30 seconds away from climax.

If you want to achieve a duo-orgasm you’re going to have to do it quickly.

As your kids grow up and become a bit more predictable you can spend a bit more time indulging in fun things like foreplay and prolonging your sexy time, but in the meantime keep a big ol’ bottle of lube by the bed, try not to spend too much time on formalities, and get to the point as quickly as possible. That, or take turns doing things yourself:)

You’re going to be distracted

Not only do you have to lower your expectations about the frequency with sex when you’re a parent but you also need to understand that the quality may deteriorate, as well.

This isn’t to say that intimate time with your partner isn’t going to be wonderful, but it will be different. Unless you have a kid-free night (WOOHOO!!!) you’ll both likely be keeping an ear out for any little pitter-patters while stifling any sounds of pleasure that you may be producing. You may also find that instead of giving this sensual time your whole mind you’re also thinking about how you forgot to make the cupcakes you promised for the school bake sale.

Your body will be different

You may find that your perineum is especially sensitive. This skin has been stretched and is more delicate than it was before you had kids. While this should get better as your body heals from birth it’s something that should be considered before sexy time commences. Using lubricant and being mindful of stopping if there’s discomfort can reduce any pain associated with the irritation that comes with penetration on your poor perineum.

(**P.S. If sex is too painful because of your sensitive perineum make sure you have a discussion with your doctor sot hat you can get back to fully enjoying your sexual endeavours. )

Also, breastmilk. While you and your partner might enjoy your full breasts the appreciation for the potential spray that comes with an orgasm. You can remedy this by wearing a nursing bra with pads in it if it’s an issue for you.

Another thing to mention here is the possibility of a shift in confidence levels. There’s no denying that most folks experience a physical change once they’ve had a baby. They may be uncomfortable with their new body or have a difficult time adapting to the changes and regaining confidence.

Give it time to build back up. Start slow and don’t push anything. Do things that make you feel sexy and confident. Eventually, you will find something that will bring back that sexy confidence in the bedroom.

Your relationship might be different

As per that first sentence of this article, things do change once you have a baby. They don’t always change for the worst, of course, but they do change.

You and your partner have taken on new roles. You are now parents and you have to re-learn about each other in that role. Things you discussed regarding how you might be as a parent before your baby was born may be completely different now that your baby is here and some of these changes may be more surprising than others.

Often times a partner will become envious of the relationship between the parent who gave birth which can foster some tension between the parents.

The best way to go about these changes and to ensure that you have a successful relationship is to open the lines of communication. If this is not happening easily between you and your partner(s) it may be a good idea to seek out some individual or couples counselling.

“Let’s talk about SEX
(after having a baby)”

Your guide to all things sex postpartum

Get on the waitlist to be the first to know when this sexy guide is available!

These changes, of course, may or may not apply to you. Each relationship and situation is vastly different and those differences include sex lives, too. For this reason, avoid comparing yourself to your friends who tell you about their sex lives.

Just like everything with parenting you do you. Or, well, let your partner do you…if you’ve got time and energy, of course!

How to dress your baby for winter social media

How to dress baby for winter

As the cold weather approaches you’re going to need to know how to dress baby for winter!

Learning how to dress baby is yet just another one of those things that are in that manual that we DON’T get when your baby is born. However, there is a bit of a science to it to make sure that your sweet bundle is warm enough in these colder months.

How to dress baby for winter

There are affiliate links in this post. That means that if you purchase something based on my personal recommendations in this post I may receive a commission at no cost to you. THAT will keep you warm and snug, for sure:)

Step 1:

Dress your baby as you would any other day. If you’re putting baby in a dress make sure they have thick tights underneath.

Pants and a onesie are ideal (with long sleeves if it’s super cold) when you’re going to dress baby for winter as they are warmest and easiest to have under a bunting suit.

Make sure your baby has socks on! You lose a lot of heat through your feet and with a baby it most certainly is not neat (okay, I forced the rhyme on that one a bit. What I’m saying is: keep your baby’s feet warm so their body will stay warm). The same goes for a toque: you lose a lot of heat through your head, too.

Learning how to dress baby for winter is another one of those things that's in the manual that we DON'T get when they're born. Here's how to do it!

Step Two:

If it’s not terribly cold outside you can throw a jacket, pair of booties, and a toque on your baby before going out. When they’re in the car seat you can have a breathable blanket on them, too, which will keep them nice and warm.

Check-in periodically to make sure they don’t get too warm as the car heats up. In fact, if you’re able to and time allows try and warm up the car before you put your baby in so that there’s no need for extra blankets.

If it IS terribly cold outside and/or you’re going to be taking your baby out of the car seat you’re going to want to increase the warm clothing you put on baby.

When you dress baby for winter it’s nice to have a bunting suit for super cold days or days you’re going to be spending a lot of time outdoors. These suits range from warm fleece to ones filled with down. Some of them can be really bulky, so avoid those if you’re putting baby in the car seat or stroller, however, if you do have a bulky one you can put your baby in it when you arrive at your destination or you can get one specifically made for car seats.

Most of the time these little bunting suits will have the ability to overlap the material on the feet and hands. This is a great option to keep little extremities warm. If yours doesn’t have that option make sure to put your baby in some booties and mittens, as well as a hat.

Things to remember:

-When you’re dealing with how to dress baby for winter remember that there are a lot of layers involved. If you go somewhere indoors peel back one of those layers so that baby doesn’t overheat. The same goes for in the car, especially if you’re traveling long distances.

Babywearing will help with keeping baby (and you) warm. Babies seem to be heat generators, so keeping them nice and close will keep everyone feeling nice and toasty. You can find add-ons that go nicely with brands like Ergo that attach directly to the Ergo and act as a jacket or blanket to keep both of you protected from the elements.

-Bring a blanket with you wherever you go. You may think you’ve got baby dressed warm and snug but then a super cold wind hits. It’s nice to have an extra layer that you can put in the car seat or wrap around your baby in the carrier.

Don’t let cold weather deter you from heading outside with your baby. It’s important for them and for you to get out of the house, even when inclement weather hits. If you’re looking for tips on how to take your baby outdoors to do activities check out Little Adventures Co. for tips from two moms who do it all the time!

how to make a sitz bath social media

This is how to make a sitz bath

You’ve probably heard of a sitz bath being part of your postpartum care routine, but you’re also probably wondering what the heck it actually is.

Allow me to explain:

Your perineum is the space between your vaginal opening and your anus. It’s a sensitive spot (as to be expected) and is also the most ravaged spot of your body as you push your baby out of your vagina. While your perineum is meant to stretch to accommodate for large things going out (i.e. baby) or large things going in (i.e. *insert raised eyebrows and knowing smile*) it is apt to tear.

You can prepare your perineum by following the guidelines in this post but even then you may suffer some pretty severe tears, or, at the very least, discomfort from the significant stretching that was required to push that baby of yours out.

Your perineum is a rockstar and after the birth of your baby it needs an extra little bit of tender loving care. Enter: Sitz bath!

Who needs a sitz bath?

Well, I mean, ANYONE really can use a sitz bath. It’s meant to clean the perineum and provide relief from any discomfort, itching, or irritation. Some folks who have just given birth may opt to use one, as well as someone who’s enjoying the wonder that is haemorrhoids.

What do you need for a sitz bath?

There are very few things that you need for a sitz bath, however, it’s nice to have it prepared before baby comes so that you have these things ready and available for the exact time that you need them:

-clean bathtub (get your partner or support person to give it a good scrub before you go in. Use a little bit of bleach to make sure that you’ve killed all bacteria that may be in there. The last thing you’re going to need right now is an infection!)

or

-sitz bath toilet kit (that you can find in this post)

-warm water

-additives to the bath (optional) that you can purchase here or make on your own using ingredients such as witch hazel, calendula, lavender essential oil, epsom salts, salt, chamomile.

How to have a sitz bath

You've heard of a sitz bath. Do you know why they're so awesome and how easy they are to make in the comfort of your own home?

First things first: this is your self-care time! You’re taking care of the lovely perineum of yours but you can also turn this into a pleasant experience for yourself.

  1. Hand the baby off to someone else if you are able to do so. If not, bring baby into the bathroom and either lay them on a blanket beside the bathtub or in a bassinet-wherever you can reach them if you need to and however you feel most comfortable.
  2. Fill the bathtub about 1/3 of the way full with warm water. Avoid making this too hot or you’ll probably feel some discomfort.
  3. Add the various herbs if you’ve chosen to do so.
  4. Sit in the bathtub for about 20 minutes. Add some more warm water if you feel like it’s getting too cold for you.
  5. Once you get out make sure to pat dry (don’t rub….ouch!!) or wear your birthday suit for a while and dry off au naturel.
  6. Do this 3-4 times a day unless you’re finding it irritating to your perineum

While a sitz bath can promote healing in your postpartum body if you aren’t enjoying them try and find another way to let your body heal. The key to healing your perineum is to make sure that it’s clean, dry, and not irritated. There are many ways that you can do this so a sitz bath is only one option.

Did you use sitz baths after your birth? What were your favourite things to add? Please share recipes in the comments below to share with fellow new parents!

7 reasons you should wait to have sex after childbirth social media

7 Reasons you should wait for sex after childbirth

Chances are you’re not going to feel like having sex after childbirth for quite some time.

Some partners understand this (particularly the ones that witnessed a vaginal birth, while others may be having a more difficult time coming to terms with waiting 6 weeks. Not that you need to justify yourself but there are some physical and mental reasons that you can fill them in on.

Most healthcare providers are going to tell you to wait 4-6 weeks until having sex after childbirth and these are the reasons why:

7 Reasons to wait for sex after childbirth

Vaginal discomfort

Okay, so you just pushed a BABY out of your vagina. That means that you pushed a watermelon-sized head out of a loonie sized vagina. #proudcanadianwoman

Even if you didn’t have any sort of tearing or episiotomy you probably are feeling a little stretched thin-yes, literally and figuratively, but we’ll get to the figurative part later. Your labia has been stretched and is likely feeling a little tender. It will take a few weeks for everything to be a little less sensitive and may need some being left alone during that time.

Stitches

If you’ve had a cesarean birth you will have stitches or staples in your lower abdomen. If you’ve had a tear or episiotomy you likely have stitches in your perineum.

Neither of these healing wounds should be irritated until, well, they’re healed. Depending on the severity of the wound this will take at least two weeks.

Infection

You've been told to wait for 6 weeks to have sex after childbirth, but do you know the reasons why?

Before approximately the 6 week mark your cervix is still dilated from childbirth. This leaves your body open to infection that may occur from a penis or other objects being inserted into the vagina. You’ll know that your cervix is still open if you’re bleeding or by going to see your healthcare professional for a check-up.

Be careful with taking chances on infection; truthfully, the last thing you’re going to want to deal with on top of your healing body and a newborn baby is a vaginal infection.

General body discomfort

It may seem logical that your pain and discomfort is going to be centralized to your vagina or surgical site. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there.

Your entire body is going to be experiencing a world of change: back pain from 9 million months of pregnancy, excess fluid, shoulder pain from nursing, aching breasts, sore feet, tired body, etc. etc. etc..

You’ve just had a workout of a lifetime and you may not be up to a romp session.

This is 100% okay.

Discharge

You, my friend, have a lot of stuff coming out of your vagina. Blood, mucus, uterine tissue will come out strong for about 10 days after birth and then taper off somewhat until around the 6-week mark when it stops.

This is your body’s way of expelling all of the now unnecessary fluid, so if you have sex after childbirth when this discharge is being, well, discharged it will be quite akin to having sex while on your period.

*One thing to note is that the smell of the discharge after childbirth is different than when you have your period-it’s stronger and just plain different. This can be hard to get around when trying to get in the mood.

**One thing to note on the one thing to note is that if your discharge is foul-smelling you should see your healthcare provider to rule out an existing infection.

Decreased sex drive

Ohhhhh hormones, you bastards.

Your body is a tornado of hormones from the remaining pregnancy ones to the breastfeeding ones to the childbirth ones. What a mix.

Oh! Ya! I almost forgot to mention the inevitable sleep loss that you can factor in, too, and right there you’ve got yourself the makings of a (probably) decreased sex drive. It can also lead to decreased lubrication regardless of if you’re aroused or not. You may not have had to use lubricant before but having a water-based one on hand now is a good idea.

Changes in breasts

Breastfeeding causes higher levels of prolactin and lower levels of estrogen in the nursing parent. This can, like above, lead to a lower sexual desire.

Some folks find it very uncomfortable to have their breasts touched in a sexual manner when they’re breastfeeding while others find it to be a turn on. This is a conversation that you and your partner should have before resuming sexual activity.

For breastfeeding parents, there may be leaking or even spraying (!) during an orgasm. Some partners find this arousing while others find it unnerving. If it’s something that’s not for either of you it can be a quick fix with a nursing bra and nursing pads.

Time

You just fed the baby. They’re snug as a bug in a rug and you’re certain they’re going to be asleep for at least a couple hours while you and your partner(s) give this sex after childbirth thing a go.

You do a half happy, half sexy dance, take off your clothes, start getting frisky, and….WAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Baby wakes up and the mood is killed.

It takes a few weeks to really get into the groove of having a newborn. That’s not to say that at the 6 week mark your baby is suddenly entirely predictable, but you’ll likely have a bit more awareness to their patterns.

Emotional readiness

There are so many variables when it comes to a person’s sexuality, especially after they’ve given birth.

It’s by far one of the most vulnerable, exposed times in a person’s life and sometimes that can take some coming back from. Particularly in cases where there’s been trauma during birth, it can be very challenging for people to want to open themselves back up to that vulnerability.

Getting back into having sex after childbirth is something that should be given great care and consideration. Your first priority is making sure that your body is healthy and able to engage in sex after childbirth-you can be sure of this by allowing yourself time to heal and by checking in with your healthcare professional for medical clearance before jumping your partner(s).

When you do decide that you’re ready try and keep these few things in mind.

  1. Begin with an open dialogue about how and when to resume sex after childbirth. Make sure that each partner is on the same page and comfortable with plans going forward.
  2. Lower expectations. If things don’t go smoothly the first time give it some time before trying again.
  3. Start small. Try masturbation first to become re-acquainted with your body. Then, finger penetration with your partner a couple of times. Then, give penetrative sex a go when you’re ready.

Have fun! Oh, and now that you’re a parent you can go ahead and give “7 best sex positions for parents” a read. You’re going to need to know these.