The REAL reason my kids visit their grandparents

We all love our kids, but it’s hard to contain the excitement in your voice when their grandparents call and ask to take them for the WHOLE NIGHT.

Imagine the possibilities: walking around naked and NOT having to explain your stretch marks to your 2 year old for the millionth time, catching up on your wildly inappropriate Netflix Originals, eating your dinner without sharing any with your mooches, and maybe even sexy time with your partner (just kidding…we’re both WAY too tired for that).

As appealing as all of these things sound that’s not the real reason we send our kids. As parents we have expectations of what happens at Grandma and Grandpa’s house:

1. When your kids have spent the entire day in the sprinkler or the pool in your backyard it’s hard to find the motivation to argue with them when they tell you how much they hate bath/shower time. All that dirt in their hair doesn’t bother me, but it most certainly will appall Grandma and Grandpa. It takes a village to bathe a child, so spic and span kids is your concern now (don’t forget behind their ears, though).

2. Popcorn and ice cream=grains and dairy. There’s the occasional package of fruit snacks and veggie straws (to complete a balanced diet),  but home cooked meals are a bit outside my realm of reality. Grandpa’s meatloaf and some cut up oranges (to treat their impending scurvy) will surely negate their need for 3X the daily requirement of Flinstone vitamins.

3. My wardrobe consists of poop stained shirts, nursing bras, and some spandex pants (yep, pre-pregnancy ones #spandexismybestfriend).  Fashion is not my forte. Nor is it my children’s. In fact, I’ve intentionally packed up not a single matching or unstained outfit in the hopes that Grandma will take her little gems shopping. She’s probably forgotten by now how much fun that can be…Good Luck Grandma!

4. It takes my brood 6 hours to get packed up to spend 20 minutes at the grocery store. Grandma and Grandpa may think the 3 days of preparation for an educational trip to the zoo is worth it. I say that’s what Animal Planet is for.


There is always a great deal of training and rehearsal to be done with the kids before they go away to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. Them being the little angels I know are in there (the ones that typically come out when bribed with candy) is vital to the #1 reason we send our kids to their grandparents:

My kids are NOT the asshole I was as a kid. KARMA IS NOT A BITCH!!! HA!

(Plus, if they’re ultra-well behaved maybe you’ll keep them 2 nights. Please?)


  1. g.mirrell.

    Very, very well said I commend you. Smart smart lady and amazing mom. Your girls are all amazing and beautiful. OK Josh can have a little. Love Auntie glenda.

  2. Pam

    Oh my, you are just way too funny (and truthful)…


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