A-B-C; it’s easy as 1-2-3…except when it comes to parenting. From what I can tell (and I’ve done this 4 times) babies DON’T come with any sort of manual, so we have to figure this shit out on our own.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
A is for… “Asshole”. If you’ve ever had a toddler, you know exactly what I mean. If you don’t yet have a toddler, just wait.
B is for…Baby bump. You will experience no other feeling like growing a life in your belly. Cherish it. Enjoy it. You’ll miss it when it’s over.
C is for…Coffee. At one time in your life food was sustenance. Now, it is coffee.
D is for…Days are long, years are short. This time flies. Slow down and breathe it in.
E is for…Escape. Make sure you take time to YOURSELF. You need to recharge on a frequent basis. Follow the “Rules of Motherhood” to make sure you’re taking care of you.
F is for… FED IS BEST!! Please, please, please don’t let people tell you how to feed your baby. Do what’s right for you and your little person, and that’s it!
G is for…Grandparents. You’ll never appreciate your parents more than when you have children of your own…and you can ship them off to Grandma and Grandpa’s for the night. Read about the other perks of a sleepover at the grandparents here.
H is for… Hard. THIS IS SO HARD!! Give yourself credit. You’re doing great doing the hardest job of all!
I is for…”I love you”. Tell them a million times every single day.
J is for…Jumping without peeing. It won’t happen for quite some time, Mama, so you’d better get used to telling people you won’t do jumping jacks or jump on the trampoline because you have “bad knees”.
K is for…Keep It Simple! Kids don’t need as much stuff as we’ve been led to think.
L is for…Laughter. Believe me, your kids will do some pretty funny stuff. They’ll also do some pretty annoying stuff. Stay positive.
M is for…Mistakes. Oh man, the mistakes. They’re gonna be made…A LOT! You’re learning. Don’t beat yourself up. Apologize and carry on. Your kids will be just fine.
N is for…No money. The average child uses 4.3 rolls of toilet paper every day. That stuff ain’t cheap…Fortunately, there’s great lists like “21 mostly helpful ways to save you money” floating around the world wide web.
O is for…Over. Life as you knew it will never be the same again. Bet you never thought you’d think a baby farting could be cute…?!
P is for…Post partum depression. Know the signs. Educate your partner and family of the signs. Don’t be ashamed. Talk to your doctor if you suspect you have a case of the baby blues and get the help you need.
Q is for…Quiet. There will be little of it, and when there is it usually means they’re up to no good.
S is for….Support. Whether it’s your friends and family, community groups, or a Facebook page you need to find somewhere to vent frustrations, get advice, and have people let you know what an amazing job you’re doing!
T is for… Thinking for yourself. Studies change. Everyone has an opinion. You know what’s right for you and your littles and your instinct is probably right. Go with it.
U is for…Urine. When potty training, bring not one but 14 pairs of extra pants everywhere you go.
V is for…Videos. Don’t let anyone tell you that movies are bad for kids. Them watching movies gives you an opportunity to shower or do whatever it is you need to do to feel great again and not be rage-y Mom; thus, movies are good for kids!
W is for…Wine. Don’t drink alcohol? Drink grape juice out of a wine glass. It WILL help!
X is for…eXample. Your kids see everything and look up to you as their role model. Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey say “Aww, shit!!”, monkey say “Aww, shit!!”.
Y is for…Your partner. Don’t forget about her or him. It’s easy to become entirely consumed by these little people. Make sure you make time for each other, too.
Z is for… Zzz’s. Deprived doesn’t even begin to describe the sleep you’ll lose. Sleep when baby sleeps (Just kidding…that’s when you get to pee by yourself!)