6 Surprising reasons kids cost so much money!

no money in my pockets

Kids cost a lot. In fact, they’re super expensive. Having a child will run you about $244,000 from birth to the sweet age of 18 when you can boot them out of your house. Right now you’re thinking “but, there are inexpensive ways to raise children”. You’re right. You can reduce the amount that kids cost by pinching pennies here and there and being smart with your money. However, frugality is no match for the little expenses that will add up and deplete your retirement savings fund:

Food

You thought I meant food they actually eat!? No, no, no. I’m talking about the ridiculous cost of healthy food that gets thrown on the floor, put up their noses, or mushed around into an inedible glob that even the dog won’t touch. Perfectly good food (along with your perfectly good intentions) get scraped up and thrown into the compost.

Clothing

You can find kids clothes for pretty decent prices at consignment stores or thrift shops. They don’t need to try things on because the size generally corresponds with their age. ‘Tis not the same for us adults. Not only is it damn near impossible to find clothing that fits over those baby making hips and residual baby belly, shopping for clothes with the loved ones in tow is almost as fun as cleaning the inevitable feces off your new white shirt.

Toiletries

You’ll spend approximately $492/month on toilet paper alone. Maybe it’s that they use too much at a time? Maybe it’s that they flush entire rolls? Maybe they eat it? I’m not sure, but there always seems to be a (rather urgent) need for toilet paper in the house.

Toys

Toys* cost a frickin’ fortune. For the low price of $44.95 you can provide your child with hours of entertainment. In fact, here’s the breakdown of exactly what fun your child will have:

-Receiving toy: 30 seconds

-Opening box toy is delivered in: 30 seconds – 1 minute (depending on packaging)

-Engagement with toy: 4 minutes, 15 seconds

-Playing with the box that the toy was delivered in while the toy sits in the corner wasting the $9.99 batteries required to make it work:

3 hours, 45 seconds

**Make sure you buy boxes that educational toys come in; it’ll make you feel better about money well spent.

Utilities

Ever told a 9 year old to go for a short shower? A 5 year old to turn the lights out when they leave a room? A 2 year old not to watch the hours of cartoons you put on for them while you hide out in the laundry room and eat chocolate? (Ok, that one is a bit of a trap.)  Your efforts to explain the cost of the bills you’re paying go over their heads while all the heat goes out the door (that they left open, of course).

Coffee and Wine

These are your life lines. The cost is irrelevant, as one simply cannot put a price on your sanity.

 

Not included in this list of why kids cost so much are things like shelter, food they eat, and clothing. These expenses only cost about $44,000. The other $200,000 should be put aside…for toilet paper.

 

 

 

 

 

28 Comments

  1. Patrick

    It’s why I have a cheetah and no kids…..it’s a LOT cheaper!!!

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      AND your cheetah doesn’t talk back!

  2. Kristin

    ahahaha! These are all so true! The toilet paper one kills me – and soap goes hand-in-hand. I am changing / refilling the two all the time!

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Yes! Soap! Oh kids….

  3. Candy

    My husband always complained about how much toilet paper we used. I try not to think of the costs. It was with the money.

  4. Belle

    Haha! This is a good read! Love the last part; that’s so true!

    One Awesome Momma

  5. Jen

    Your so right, you can’t put a price on coffee! Because of the whole sanity thing… And yes, all the things kids use and don’t use definitely add up!

  6. Aleksandra

    If I had kids, I would have the same amount of money: none 🙂

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Absolutely!

  7. Sheree

    Oh man. I don’t have any kids yet but this totally reminded me of my boyfriend’s daughter. All the toilet paper she wastes, all of the, “I’m hungry”s that just end with sandwiches with one bite taken out and a bowl of popcorn that she just played in instead of ate. Cost is one reason I’ve put off having my own children.

    Sheree (shereesbrand.com)

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Haha yep, they definitely don’t care about what they’re wasting: your money included!

  8. Crystal Marie

    Good to know (for someone that doesn’t have little ones).

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Yep! Now you know what your hard earned money will go towards if you do have children!

  9. Nicole Parise

    I don’t have kids, but this is hilarious. I can only imagine what parents have to put up with!
    xx nicole

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      This is the tip of the iceberg, my friend. Just the tip of the iceberg…

  10. jehava

    LOL I love this! Having 3 boys, Food is definitely by largest cost!

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      I believe it!

  11. Kristine Aguilar

    Love this! My husband and I are actually in the phase of planning for kids. We have NO idea how much kids cost so I’m constantly looking for articles like yours! Thanks for sharing!

  12. Amber

    I’m pretty sure I removed a chunk of crusty old oatmeal from my daughters ear the other…. Yep. The price of clothes and toys is insane to me! I spend hundreds a month just dressing the kids. My son has about 2000 grand worth of junk on his christmas. Mommy will be wearing the same leggings, uggs and hoodie for the next decade so the kids have everything. Lol

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      An ear definitely seems like a logical place to stash oatmeal haha!

  13. Jessica Bradshaw

    Haha. Oh my word! This had me rolling! The wine is for sure a necessity.

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      So important!

  14. Sheila Schweiger-Rhodes

    Kids can cost alot, but their love is priceless! Think of it as an investment to your Senior Citizen years LOL. Seriously, there is a alot to think about these days when deciding to have children, but the fact is you don’t even think about the cost once you hold them. Also, as of right now they are on your health insurance until they are 26 and it isn’t cheap! Plus this doesn’t even include their Senior year of High School, college and car repairs 🙂

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      I’m trying to not think about the future costs of 4 girls in high school!!

  15. suzanne

    Ha! The last two things definitely being the most important 😉

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Aaaaaaaaabsolutely!

  16. Dia All The Things I Do

    Haha I don’t have kids but this is hilarious. I remember growing up and my mom being like “Why’d you leave that light on? You’re wasting electricity.” Now I do that to people who come over…I’m like turn off the light!

    1. Samantha Palmer (Post author)

      Hahaha she taught you well:)

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